Choices and Consequences

Choice, good or bad, always brings consequence, good or bad. We never know which is which until we try it. We never know what we will like until we try it. We base future or current decisions on past outcomes from choices and consequencs. What do I want? What do I like? These two questions form four quadrants from which we base our choices. We are constantly making choices based on the following: liking what we want; not liking what we want; liking what we don’t want; not liking what we don’t want. We like what feels good or is delicious to us, usually what we have not had for a while. We want what is familiar to us, what we have grown to desire. These two are in conflict with one another and create a myriad of choices every day. There are these four in addition: wanting what we like (obsession); wanting what we don’t like (addiction); not wanting what we like (partaking the forbidden fruit); and not wanting what we don’t like (compulsion). All of these feel constraining to me. Freedom comes from the first four. Captivity from the last four. Then there are these: wanting what we want; liking what we like; not wanting what we want; not liking what we like; not wanting what we don’t want; not liking what we don’t like. I am here: not liking what I want, therefore not wanting what I want. We like what feels good; we are hungry for it.

Often our choices do not bring immediate consequences, or at least we do not recognize the consequences for what they are or will be, immediately. My choice to always obey brought the immediate consequence of pleasure (lack of punishment/pain) as well as praise and pride for being the obedient child. But now I am reaping the consequences in a different realm (time/space). I am looking back and realizing that my choosing to always obey was in a sense giving up my own will and agency to all others. In order to use my agency, I need to know what I like and what I want, my will. So by always obeying, I robbed myself of the opportunity to explore my will and agency, or discover what I truly like and want. Now I don’t like what I wanted (to obey). Therefore I don’t want what I have wanted. I want the opposite: I want to rebel. In a big way. The pendulum has reached its absolute highest point possible on the obedience end. And now it is coming crashing down with the momentum of a freight train. Is there any way to stop it? Is there no other way than to let it swing? What will be the consequences on the other end? Well one consequence of always choosing to obey man has been misery. So maybe by choosing another way, I will find joy. At best it is delicious to me and very desirable.

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