Why I Decided to Create a Future With My Mother Instead of Romantic Partner.
Many years ago my ex-husband and I divorced, and although it was difficult, we also came out if it with mutual love, respect and a commitment to raise our son in a blended family. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has always been worth it. However, when I walked away, I left everything behind. I didn’t take anything, and at the time I was afraid of the fight, and even after more than a decade of being married to my ex-husband (who was active duty military), I did not want to go through the division of assets.
I left everything I had worked so hard (except for my son’s things) behind and gave up a stake in my ex-husband’s retirement and alimony. We agreed to an amount that would split if we ever put our home up for sale. We also decided on a very fair amount for child support and of course shared custody of our son. Even to this day, he continues to be a good father and a good provider for his son. He always goes above and beyond, and I do not take that kindness for granted.
Last year I left my ex-boyfriend. As many of you know I left because my ex-boyfriend was a Narcissist with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It was a toxic relationship that left me financially, emotionally and mentally depleted. I left everything I had worked so hard for behind. I did not fight for the tiny house, or the Skoolie we were converting, or any of my belongings. I left only with a couple of my things and my son’s belongings. Once again I left a situation and did not fight for what was rightfully mine.
I had departed with no assets in hand because I was afraid of facing the aftermath that comes with the division of assets. Breakups are hard. And I know that I am an incredibly committed person, but here I was again for the second time in my entire life immersed in a tough breakup. And I couldn’t take on advocating for myself financially.
But there was a silver lining in this cloud and there was a financial awakening for me. You see, we often see healing as emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, but we forget that healing can also be financial. Last year my mother (who is only 20-years older than me and just as young and vibrant as I am) and I made a commitment to create a secure financial future together so that no matter what would happen we had built something substantial that we shared and that the other could tend to if the need would arise. This other part of my journey and hers was about healing financial hurts in our lives and creating a strong future for my son, her grandson.
We decided to move in together and split everything down the middle. Our 3-bedroom apartment, our food, our utilities, everything. We committed to support each other through the growth of our businesses. We devoted our time to educate ourselves on building financial wealth and supporting each other in releasing any strongholds and fears we were carrying about money so that we could start to manifest financial prosperity. It was a learning process for us, and it still is. But it created another path to freedom.
She and I continue to work on ourselves and strive to live our best life with all of the things we love. We are confident that one day both of us may meet someone to share our lives with and if we don’t we still live it wholely and fruitfully. But what we have created for ourselves is a trusting financial partnership that provides security that we never have to walk away from and no one can take away from us. We have become our own best financial advocates.
This advocacy has helped us prepare for another bout of home ownership (one for us to reside in and one as a rental property), it has helped us see our long-term plans to create a portfolio of investments, and together — a future joint business venture. When you heal and build a strong financial foundation with someone that you know will always have your back and cares deeply for you, worry and fear dissipates and it opens up new visions.
I have read and seen best friends teaming up to raise kids together. So why not team up with my mother to create financial stability where we can hold each other accountable. In today’s society, it can be smart to team up with someone you completely trust to create a better path for yourself. This is a place where we can thrive together. It has also been a place of healing for my mother and I as single women and even a path to healing our own “mother-daughter issues”.
I know that even if I have to walk away from another relationship, I won’t have to walk away with nothing, because I came into the relationship financially stable and I will leave the same way. I have created my own financial future with someone who is bound to me by blood, and the strength of that bond ensures that no matter what happens for me romantically from here on out, I will always have everything I need.