Medium Doesn’t Want Our Love Story
Rachel Darnall

Ms Darnall:

This is a very sweet piece, a love story that needs to be told. I’m glad you did.

You sound content. It’s true, contentedness is a hard sell. But it is contentedness, not happiness, that makes a good life, and so few are. Demanding a continuous peak experience, and that’s what happiness is, is a set up for disappointment. It is based on the myth of Prince (or Princess) Charming where one torrid kiss leads to happiness ever after. Many people, young women I think more than men, are ruined by this fairy tale.

I don’t know your age. From your picture I’d guess very young. If so, this also a very wise article.

I was married for 30 years. I’ve been divorced for 11. My marriage was, by far, the most content, and the happiest, part of my life. The fact that it ended changes nothing about that. While it lasted, it was great,

There is a flow between partners in a working marriage that is often magical in a routine, day to day way. There is no contradiction in that statement.

To be with anyone, day in and day out, takes a great deal. Love, of course, but that is a small part. Trust, respect, affection, integrity, forgiveness, patience, loyalty and other steadfast virtues last longer and will take you farther than romantic love, which remains but changes. True intimacy is rare and difficult and costs more than mere romance, passion and sex.

I was in a war once. The one thing I miss about it is that I was never alone, someone always had my back. I could count on that, trust in it. In a solid marriage, you are never alone and your back is always covered. In a world that can be difficult and hostile, there is much comfort in that, much value.

So thank you for this well written piece. You are not boring, you are successful. I hope that you remain successful. I hope your marriage grows and changes, but flourishes. I have friends who are now up to 40+ years, so it can be done.

And clearly “the world’s handsomest man” is also a very lucky man. :)


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