Brainwash Your Kids With Your Values: Election Season Books For Kids

First off, I am shocked that there is not an The Art of the Deal for Kids. It’s such an easy cash grab. There is a version of Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls! Trump, pal — how did you let this obvious moneymaker pass you by? This is a far better idea than Trump Natural Spring Water was.

When I was a weird 11 year old (who begged my mother to take me to see Dan Quayle in a Radisson Hotel lobby), I was always excited to get the school Scholastic Book Order Form, so I could try to learn more about politics and government and obviously, Dan Quayle (is there a way to make a heart emoji here, well I can’t figure it out, so picture a heart emoji).

A Dan Quayle Where’s Waldo parody book is the most early 90’s thing to ever exist

Fortunately for children today, there are a plethora of FUN and educational (how do I shrink text on here, well I can’t figure it out, so picture “educational” as comedically small).

This is the photo with the least Taft nudity in the whole book

For aspiring presidential history buff story book readers, there is President Taft is Stuck in the Bath, a pun-filled investigation of how members of the Taft Administration managed to pry their president from his custom built bathtub. (Rated PG for Mild Presidential Body Shaming and Pervasive Partial Nudity).

Beginning readers can visit Washington D.C. in Madeline at the White House by John Bemelmans Marciano based on an idea his grandfather had conceived for a Madeline book after befriending Jackie Onassis but never completed before his death in 1962 . Madeline is invited to the White House for the annual White House Easter Egg Hunt by Candy, the lonely daughter of a busy president father.

For chapter book readers there is Who is Hillary Clinton? by Heather Alexander. Not being partisan here, I would include a Who is Donald Trump? but 1) I assume kids already know since it’s impossible to turn on TV without seeing him (I’m guessing he has done a cameo on Sesame Street claiming that Obama is the founder of Bed Time) and 2) they didn’t make one (again, a missed marketing opportunity from Team Trump). The Clinton book provides chapters about her biography (there is a drawing of Bill in his hippie beard phase looking like a giant doofus) interspersed with short biographies of other pioneering women from Betty Friedan to Margaret Thatcher to Shirley Chisholm.

Finally and most importantly, Nick Bruel’s Bad Kitty For President. Will Bad Kitty win the Neighborhood Cat Coalition? Will he rely on Nixonian dirty tricks to win? Can a Kitty who put up so much fuss getting a bath in Bad Kitty Gets a Bath be trusted? And who is voting for a cat called Bad Kitty anyway? (I once accidentally drew the wrong line and voted for Billy Long, so I have no right to criticize any voter ever.