Rape Isn’t Always Sexual Assault — Part 4

Sociopath’s lies, theft and attempts to prove her power are obviously rapacious in nature. I like to think the root word of rapacious is rape. In actuality it means avarice, or greed.

Owen Labrie raped his victim, a minor, because he had something to prove and he was looking for approval from his peers. Labrie felt his peers, with their influence and their position to him in their social circle, were a necessary life hurdle to manage to place him strategically in a society for which he was bred and born into, for presumed greatness. He had an end result in mind. That end result was to be positioned higher up on the ladder of social acceptance.

Social acceptance and approval by society is the end goal of the human race. The benefits of it are higher income, more power and influence and the accumulation of goods which gives status. All that comes with these things are the cherry on social acceptance.

When I challenged her and outed her deceptive nature, and would not allow her to violate me any longer, she had something to prove. She attempted to undermine my challenge and like a rapist, wanted to first overpower me, second, seek approval from her peer, and third, seek revenge. Her peer was someone she deemed to have authority and someone she ascertained held more influence than me. Rapists never consider actual authorities in society, such as agencies that keep order and agencies that influence such order. Like an attorney told me, “The Police are too busy hunting down innocent black men and murdering them than keeping actual order and condemning actual criminals.” After all, it wasn’t the Stanford Police that chased down Brock Turner when he ran away after he was caught raping his victim. It was a couple of cyclists.

Her theft of my life proves she is a rapist. A rapist’s goal is to prove their power and control over a situation and moreover, over an individual. Violations of another individual smack of power obsessed behavior. If I equate my home and my belongings and my personal possessions the way a rape victim equates her body, then there has been a rape. There has been a crime. A violation has taken place. Something was taken from me against my will. I have been raped.

Rape is usually defined as sexual assault. But rape, simply put, is assault. The goal behind the assault is to gain power and control over an individual. The end result in my case is theft — theft of my possessions and theft of my home. In a typical rape case, theft of the victim’s body or virtue is the end result by means of sexual assault. Of course, the non-consensual aspect of it is obvious in either case.

We don’t usually think of women as rapists or having a rapacious nature. When we think of a rapist, the image of Brock Turner comes to mind. A seemingly charming looking predator lurking in the bushes, ready to pounce on his innocent prey. The backdrop is always a college campus, and the victims are always senseless, innocent girls after a night of partying. This image has become so commonplace, it’s almost a cliche. I imagine Brock Turner’s father chiding him, “Really son? In the bushes? Behind a dumpster? That’s so…common and lowly. Don’t you know the Turners at least make it look consensual by taking her out on a couple of dates first?” Come on now, you know that’s what his father and his lawyer are saying.

When a rapist is accused of his crime, he always goes on the defensive. “It was consensual. She wanted it. She is just mad because I rejected her.” And like clockwork, my rapist had the same defense. “She deserved to have me violate her lawful space and steal her possessions because she is untrustworthy!” And then when I provided proof of my trustworthiness her response was to undermine it by saying the evidentiary factual proof I provided was “convoluted.” And, like any rape scenario it devolved into an argument of “he said she said.” I, and the law, remind her and her accomplice of their unlawful behavior and the response is to say I am being threatening and harassing. This is exactly how a rapist behaves when his victim challenges him, and when he feels cornered.

Then there is the short skirt defense. “She was wearing a short skirt, she allowed my hand up her skirt, and we were making out, so she must have wanted it.” The victim’s response is always, “The privilege of making out with me, and privilege of running your hand up my thigh did not give you license to rape me.” As I said in my last piece, I felt compelled to help the sociopath, not ever considering that she might one day rape me, and become my rapist. She had a need for a place to live and I consented to allowing her to occupy my space which would give her legal tenancy and safety. Her offer of money in exchange for this was accepted and thus she was granted legal tenancy. I was fully aware of this and the tenant laws that apply, and happy to provide her with this safety net in this uncertain world where the housing market is so precarious; but this did not mean that I consented to relinquish my own legal status and rights and protections and allow her to violate me. Just because I gave her access to my inner thigh does not mean I consent to being sexually assaulted.

As stated in my last piece, she is being treated for bipolar disorder, so the armchair social anthropologist in me had a morbid curiosity about her latest obsession. For the sake of anonymity, we will call him “Byte.” The Christian and activist in me felt a deep moral obligation to warn him. According to my rapist, Byte was just getting out of a toxic relationship and was vulnerable and gunshy. He never made the first move. He never made any moves in fact, despite chemistry and obvious attraction, she whined.

In retrospect, I found it interesting, that like me, Byte has a disability that he hides well, and is self conscious of it. He takes great care to camouflage it. Rapists almost always target the most vulnerable among us. They wait until their victim’s sense of awareness is muddied before going in for the kill. They target those with disabilities or low self esteem or those who have had sexual trauma in their past. Rapists are not interested in a challenge and bringing attention to themselves. They wait until their victim is distracted, to catch the victim off guard or they wait until their victim’s defenses are down. Rapists are actually, if you think about it, kind of lazy and they’re always pretty nice, with seemingly good intentions.

Sociopaths (and rapists ) need permission in their twisted reality. They never ever want to feel guilt or have to be accountable for anything. When she presented Byte to me as a shy man who was hesitant to make the first move because he had been so burned by his last relationship, my response was the standard one a girl friend gives to her friend, “You are going to have to make the first move.” In her warped way this somehow justified her next move, and gave her permission to go forward no matter who was hurt in the aftermath.

The sociopath in her lured Byte in, making him feel good about himself and the rapist in her took advantage of him when she was finally able to get him alone. Despite her being an alcoholic, I can almost certainly guarantee there was alcohol involved. How else do you explain their sudden sexual encounter after months of zero contact?

My boyfriend and I attended one of her work events and Byte was there too. He mooned, and clung and laughed a little too hard at all of her jokes. He did not speak to any other woman in the room, and when he and I spoke about a recent cycling adventure my boyfriend and I went on, the anger and glint in her eye aimed at me was a palpable threat. She is not a physical person and feels threatened by people who attempt to be outdoorsy or find joy out of physical exercise. She’s an indoor girl, preferring movies and eating out.

After the alleged sex, and after this event, her mood shifted drastically. I attributed it to her bipolar disorder. She became listless, uninterested, and easily annoyed. I would reach out and she would act like a petulant teenager, feigning boredom and annoyance at the sound of my voice. I asked her about Byte and she said she was no longer intrigued by him. The sociopath in her was bored now that the rapist in her had gained control of her prey. My instinctive heckles went up.

I was next.

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