The Magic We Are Seeking Is Right Here, Inside Us
There is this sensation inside all of us that. It says that if we are awesome or good in anyway, it comes from the outside environment somehow. This is really apparent in Chiang Mai, where so many people are afraid to leave the magic of Chiang Mai for fear of losing out on the awesome human being they have become.
I felt the same way.
I had finally become the person I aspired to be. I could look myself in the eye, and not feel ashamed that I had not fulfilled my potential. Perhaps, probably, it was all perception. It wasn’t actually based in reality, but I somehow attributed it all to the Magic of Chiang Mai, with a capital M.
I was worried now. If I left Chiang Mai, all of this magic that I had gathered, all of this fairy dust would dissipate and I would be ordinary again. I would be that person again whom I hated, that person who wasn’t living up to her potential, that person who I didn’t want to become again.
I was done with her.
I didn’t want to go back.
But if I left Chiang Mai, would I turn back into that person? Like Cinderella who turns back at midnight into an ordinary servant girl, would I change back into that person I despised?
I was really worried when I left Chiang Mai that I would lose all of my magic. The thing that worried me the most was that I would become this person who doesn’t have any writing skills in her. In Chiang Mai, due to time affluence, I wrote a lot. After a long time, I was writing thousands of words a day, and I was loving it.
It wasn’t just Chiang Mai, of course. It was my extended celibacy and transmuting my sexual energy into creativity. It was all the extended long walks I was taking everyday. It was all the deep conversations I was having over delicious matcha lattes. It was all the joy I was feeling at finally accepting myself as the writer that I was and writing without feeling like it was a waste of time.
But in my convoluted mind, I attributed all of my creative juices to Chiang Mai and Chiang Mai alone. Nothing else attributed to my creativity. It was the location itself.
If I left the location, everything would fall completely apart, and I would die and wither away as I had before. I would no longer be the person I aspired to be, and I would fade away into obscurity.
As always, the universe obliged with examples of how the magic in me was still alive. It reminded me that the magic that I was carrying was within me, and within all us. It wasn’t something that appeared at a particular geographical location, but it was deep inside of us. Sometimes it appeared when we gave it space to appear, or we allowed it to be alive. But most of the times, it sat dormant at the bottom of our mental closet.
I received all of this goodness, and joy from everyone around me at the airport and on the flight. I received seats that were in the emergency exit row so I had ample leg room, or I had empty seats next to me, so I sat like a queen on the long-haul flight. I received free hotel room stays and taxi rides from strangers who just wanted to help keep me safe. I received conversations with interesting people from all over the world. I received exactly what I was searching for — financial foundation so I could spend all of my day writing and creating courses a day after I entered Toronto.
All of this happened within the span of 2 days after I left Chiang Mai, a lot of it, on the plane ride home.
It was as if the magic which was inside of me was overflowing to the brim, and was telling me not to worry.
Do not worry, little child, she said. The Magic that you fear is going to leave you is right here, inside of you. Here in your heart. Here in your gut. Here in your feet. Here in your eyes.
Here and everywhere.
The latitude and longitude doesn’t matter.
What matters is that you are open to the universe. Accept it all. Take it all. Let it all in.
So if you are worrying about something similar to this, don’t. The magic isn’t somewhere outside of you, it is right there, inside of you. Deep inside, so no one can snatch it away, even if they wanted to.
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