The Most Beautiful Lotus Flowers Grow In The Deepest Mud

In Chiang Mai, there are these stone bowls of water, with little fishes swimming around, and usually one or two lotus flowers growing out of of the dirty, muddy water. They are almost everywhere. Every street has at least one, if not more.

Today, being Day 6 of the 7 day, 7 cafe, 7 post challenge, Wayne Duckworth and I decided to go on a sojourn around my neighbourhood of Santitham, and find some nice cafe to hang at. We found Bearista cafe, in the Tipparat building, that we would highly recommend to anyone who asks. The energy in the place was so welcoming and calming, with a couple running the place, that were the cutest. There was a constant breeze flowing in from all the four directions of the cafe, which is completely out in the open, something I absolutely love about CM — I spend so much time outside. I barely go indoors at all, unless I am going into a supermarket to buy something, or a bank to get some cash.

We sat there, chatting away for almost 3 hours. I didn’t even take out my laptop even once. Every time I would think about taking my laptop out, we would get distracted by another vein of thought, and chatter away, about everything under the sun.

But specifically, the fact that we are the way we are, because of the experiences we went through when we were younger. The deeper the mud, the more beautiful the lotus flower. The same way, the deeper the wounds, the more light a person has, the more they have to give back to the world.

Like the lotus flower that is born out of mud, we must honour the darkest parts of ourselves and the most painful of our life’s experiences, because they are what allow us to birth our most beautiful self. — Debbie Ford

Not only do the dark experiences mean, all of the random shit we have seen in our lives. But it could also mean the gut flora that we have developed literally from the shit of our mother’s canal.

I was born as naturally as possible (C-section infants have less good gut bacteria). My poor mother went through such a long labour, at the young age of 21, to have me, her pride and joy as she calls me. Even though, I was a very difficult, rambunctious child, she did love me so, and does love me still so.

Gut Flora, Shit, Mud, and Guts

My gut flora has been with me probably since I was born a bit transferred over from my mother, a bit grown with the help of all the random shit I have eaten all over the world through my lifetime, and all of the fermented foods that I try to consume on a regular basis now, like Kimchi (fermented cabbage), and Kao Mak (just discovered fermented rice).

So this gut flora that grows from shit and rotten foods, lives in my gut. And my gut is my second brain, and I postulate my second heart. There are more neurons in our gut than in our brain (100 billion vs. 86 billion).

And 90% of the body’s serotonin, the anti-depressant drug, comes from the gut. So when we are all scrambling to be ‘happier’ by taking drugs, or antibiotics, or fast food, we are actually killing off the very same bacteria that are helping us grow serotonin.

Now, I postulate that not only does all of our beauty and goodness come from the fact that we had random, sometimes shitty childhoods, but also, because of the awesome gut flora that we developed over time. Stick with me here.

The deepest, darkest mud that the most beautiful lotus flowers grow from — that mud had to come from somewhere. That mud for us came from tragedies — tragedies that I wouldn’t give up for an instant, because it made us who I am, who we all are. I would definitely not be here writing this post, if I hadn’t gone through what I have gone through. So I had to go through the shitty stuff to be here (nothing to say about my parents and how wonderful they were).

Right? But why didn’t I just kill myself? If I had had a hard time, many people do kill themselves, and I would have been right to do the same.

The SpiderWeb Of Life

There were always hundreds of ways anyone’s life could go. I could have gone this way or that. I could have gone a hundred ways. Instead of being here right now, tap-tap-tapping away on this keyboard, listening to Deep Techno House, and jamming away, I could have ended it a long time ago. Why did I stay? Why am I still here?

It isn’t just because it was meant to be. I don’t want to argue whether Free Will exists or not. Even if I chose to be here, or it was already written in the pages, I am here. Why am I still here?

There are hundreds who had gone through a hard time in their childhood, and who couldn’t take it. They extinguished that burning flame and are perhaps living another life that they are struggling through or loving. Whatever it might be.


The answer isn’t as easy as ABC, and here’s your apple pie. But it could be that — I wouldn’t be defeated by the world, instead I would leave my mark on the world. I wouldn’t let the shit of the world kill me. I wouldn’t let them know that they have won, which is always my strategy with all the bullies I encountered throughout high school, and university. I might be bleeding on the inside, but they would never ever see that on the outside. Ever. They can go suck it, and I will come back over and over again — to fight the good fight.

Life Couldn’t Beat Me Down. It Tried Hard, Though.

This was my answer when life beat me down. So much so that life cannot beat me down now. I’m just too strong, and life is just too weak. I have seen what it comes at me with, I know all of its tricks, and I know that I can beat it with my eyes blindfolded, and my hands tied behind my back. I laugh at the people who try to put me down, and say, ‘That’s all you got? Shit, I have more where this came from, you gotta bring better game than this, child!’

So I didn’t give in, but became stronger. Like the lotus flower, and like our gut bacteria, which becomes stronger, the more shit you throw at it. The more rotten food, the more dirty mud, the better they seem to get.

This is a message for all the Indigo Children out there — we are the sensitive ones. I know how alone you feel. I felt the same for the longest time. The world will change, but it will take a long time before it happens. Get used to being alone. Get used to being beaten by the system over and over again — the only way you can get ahead is to use every freaking experience to make you stronger, and stronger! All of it matters — they are going to want to see us go down, but we aren’t going to let them see it. We are stronger than that. Even if we are sensitive, and we want to be loved, caressed, and held, in the beginning, we will have to build that outer hard shell that will keep all of the stones from hurting our soft heart.

All of this is necessary. I am telling you that the future isn’t as bad as you might think it is right now. You might feel like life isn’t worth living, but it is. God, if I could only show you how wonderful life is right now for me and for the other Indigo Children who came out of the rain into the rainbow, and are living lives of gorgeousness. I wish you could see how I live now and I lived back then.

The road will be tough, I am not going to tell you it won’t. It will be hard, and you will feel alone through most of it. Of course, there are some Indigo Children out there, but they can’t help you through the tunnel you are in right now. You need to get through the tunnel to the other side, so you can meet up with us, and live the life you were meant to live. But if you give up half-way, which you will be tempted to do, you are not going to be able to go through and come see us. You will not be able to see the beautiful life that awaits you after the tunnel.

You might think your entire life is going to a long dark winding horrible tunnel. Please don’t delude yourself into thinking that.

I made it through and others have as well.

The choice is yours. Stick with the mud and come to the beauty. Or give up half way and try again with another spin around the globe.

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