The shadow fights for his master’s life

Photo by JD Mason on Unsplash

The shadow besides Glenn’s body perked up. He had been walking besides him for 20 years now. But he had never seen this kind of energy floating around Glenn before. It was something different.

The shadow got ready to fight. He had been told when he was sent over to Glenn’s body that one day he would have to take up arms to protect his master, unbeknownst to him. The battle would happen as it happens everywhere without the faintest awareness of the human.

The shadow wavered in his resolute for a second as he realized that he wasn’t much older than Glenn in his own age. In shadow years, he was perhaps 200 years old, but that was just about 25 in human years. Shadow time runs much faster than human, and there was really no telling sometimes with shadows, as they don’t really have formative bodies, or minds.

Shadows have been fooled by other shadows, when they were on a date, and they thought they were with a 100 year old shadow, and it turned out to be ten times older.

Highly disappointing, as you can imagine.

The energy around Glenn was swirling and shadily moving about as if it were checking out Glenn to see if there was any protection barriers around him.

Millennias ago, not really sure how long ago, the powers that be (PTB), realized that human beings are actually quite foolish. No matter how advanced they seemed to be in their technologies, in their bodies, and hearts, they were as delicate as a newly bloomed flower. There were always forces, more powerful forces from other dimensions, and other universes that were trying to take over the human race. It happened so often that the PTB, thought to themselves, they needed a better solution than sending a representative in the form of a Messiah every single time to ‘save’ humanity.

It seemed like a huge waste of their resources, when they had so much other stuff they had to take care of.

But they had created humans to be as they are, so it was in fact, their own fault that humans turned out to be so foolish. There were so many arguments in the PTB quarters where they would blame one another for the foolishness, and uselessness of the human race.

“It’s your fault they are so bloody stupid. If you hadn’t made them so foolish, and made them stand up on their two legs, they might have had a chance in hell.”

“Yeah, right. Don’t you go blaming all of it on me. You were the one who decided to give them a tail, and then take it away, and then leave a bit of it around, ‘just for fun’. What the hell was that about?”

“Well, wasn’t it your idea to give them a heart that would always be breaking, and crying, and feeling? I mean, why the hell would you do that? Why, why, why? It just makes dealing with them so difficult, because they are ready to cry at the drop of a hat. I can’t talk to them. I just can’t.”

“I had to give them something that gave them even a little bit of power, even though, they have relegated that love thing to the dusty corners of their lives, as if it weren’t the most powerful weapon they were handed by us. They are just so stupid, I just can’t even.”

When the PTB were chatting about human beings, they always seemed to revert to the speech level of human beings, which sounded mostly like a teenage girl high on beauty magazines, and pop bands.

Anyways, I digress.

As I said earlier, the PTBs were sick of sending out a Messiah every single time the humans got into trouble, which as they were quite foolish, was quite often. When I say quite often, I mean, about every few hundred years, which is just too much.

The PTBs were about to wash their hands of the disgrace of human beings, and let them be beaten to shreds by a particularly evil race who wanted to use the human juice in their Conflagreuxer machines. What the machine was going to be used for wasn’t important. Although I can be quite sure it was something kinky and naughty.

But one of them, the kindest and softest of PTB, decided to give them one last help before he walked off. He gave each of the human beings a shadow. The shadow had powers to keep their humans safe from any and all alternate universe altercations, but most humans thought of their shadows as a useless appendage (much like the piece of tail that was left behind by the PTB as a ‘bit of fun’).

The shadow we were currently watching was an especially smart one. He had the duty to take care of Glenn. Glenn’s story isn’t quite important here, but the shadow’s was.

The shadow was about to go into ninja mode and kick some alien race’s bony bum. And he was about to do it in mega-style.

He had to be subtle about it as the human couldn’t know. The humans could never know how valuable a shadow really is.

Glenn was still walking about. He had indigestion and he was trying to release gas so he could go back to his dorm and finish playing World of Warcraft. But he didn’t want to shame himself in front of his friends, especially since one of them was a hot girl. He cursed the day hot girls started playing World of Warcraft, so that he couldn’t behave like a complete disgusting idiot whilst playing one of his favourite games in the world.

Walking around in circles, hoping his stomach acids would stop playing ball hockey inside of him, Glenn had no idea his shadow had pulled out some Baroushkins and was getting ready to blast this random energy into one of the several unknown, unmarked universes out there.

A piece of leaf with a girl’s number floated down into Glenn’s hand, as the shadow blasted the energy, the dark matter energy floating about Glenn, and a rainbow of sparks started flying about.

Glenn was rummaging about in his pocket looking for his phone so he could call this girl, get her picture, see if she’s hot and if she is, meet up with her.

While Glenn was planning out what he would say to the girl, the energy that the shadow had blasted had grown twice as powerful. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. This evil energy was able to use the energy of Baroushkins and increase power and speed.

The energy started slowly moving into the crevices of Glenn’s body. Unknown to him, the energy had started poking around his DNA structure. He was too busy trying out his introduction. “Hey, my name is Glenn. I saw your number on a leaf… No that sounds like I am being creepy. Howdydoo, I’m Glenn at your service, ma’am. Ugh, I’m such a dork…” On and on it went.

For a second, Glenn stopped speaking in this dimension, and got transported to another dimension. But he was quite unaware, and the shadow got him back here, a second later.

Unaware, Glenn kept on trying out more and more introductions. None of them seem to fit the oh-so-cool persona he had developed for himself in his head.

The shadow for a second looked at Glenn trying to contort his face into what he thought was cool Glenn’s face, and he had this insane desire to smash his Baroshkin right into Glenn’s hideous face. But being that the shadow was Glenn’s protector, that would be highly inappropriate.

The shadow was still battling the evil energy, trying out all the permutations and computations he could think of, when the unthinkable happened.

Glenn farted loud and clear, so much so that all the birds in a nearby tree floated out into the open sky, astonished not only at the noise but the accumulated force and stink of his fart. Glenn gave himself a high-five, not only for the force of the fart, but also because he was done, with this damn walking business. He could go back and play his game!

Yowza!

Glenn walked back into his dorm, unaware that the sheer force of his fart had discombobulated the evil energy that was planning to take him over. So much so that it had been enough time for the shadow to send that energy into another dimension where it would be roaming around forever in a hall of funny mirrors.

The shadow breathed a sigh of relief, and hurriedly followed Glenn back to the dorm. He liked the shadow of the hot girl that Glenn was playing with, and he now had the epic story that would be impressive to her. She was way too snobbish in those matters.

Placing both of their hands in their pockets, humming a random whistle, Glenn and his shadow walked off to play their games.


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