When Luck Bites You In The Ass And Doesn’t Let Go, Rejoice

A friend and I were walking down the street, Sirimangalakarn, this morning. We had stopped at one of our favourite noodle shops, with the cutest girl serving us delicious foods as if we were Gods/Guests in her noodle shop.

We consumed the soup with gusto and joy. Greens. A fried egg. Sprouts. Broth. Veggie delight.

Then, I walked with my friend, to my favourite food stall, where I grabbed two meals worth of food for 55 baht, less than 2USD. It was served to me by this beautiful family who starts serving food at 9am, and runs out of their delicious meals by 1pm. I grabbed my food with joy in my heart as I walked down the street further to hop into this beautiful cafe called Brew Fact.

The floors were creamy concrete, the walls Indigo blue, the servers young and hot, and the Matcha Latte beautifully made.

It was serene and quiet, as my friend and I sat on a couch with two separate tables, writing on our computers, and playing with words. I guess, we were both playing at being writers right now, but it feels so right.

As I sit here, I feel so lucky. Is there anyway to describe how lucky I feel? I feel like the Luck Monster, with gold pouring out of its mouth, has grabbed a hold of my ass, and doesn’t want to let go.

In a circumstance like this in the past, I would have always felt great fear and apprehension.

My parents say that I am one of the luckiest people on this planet.

I remember going to a party when I was younger — for entertainment, there were four or five games that all the children were allowed to play. I won all of them, winning all the prizes, and the accolades. Of course, my parents told me to give back all the prizes. I didn’t care about the prizes — they were all toys that I would have never used. I was happy to give them back, and in fact, until my parents had explicitly asked me to give them back, I was planning to give them away. But once, they started demanding it, and saying that I didn’t really deserve the gifts — that I was older than all the other children playing (not true), and I only won the gifts because I was lucky.

Damn it! That was not the reason. Why couldn’t it be because I had played hard, and smart, and I deserved to win? Why couldn’t it be because of me? Why does the credit always have to be given away? To some random source outside of ourselves. Why is the good stuff in my life never my fault, but the bad always is?

This vein ran through the rest of my life. So much so that when I achieved anything in my life, I attributed it to being lucky — so lucky.

Even when I read the quote by Coleman Cox,(it has been attributed to many other people), I didn’t change my viewpoint.

I am a great believer in luck. The harder I work, the more of it I seem to have.

It was always luck — it was never me.

I got a great part-time job because I applied to dozens of jobs while in school, and went to give an exam miles away from home at 7am in the morning. But it wasn’t because I did that, it was because I was lucky enough to see the job posting and others didn’t (or they didn’t want to get up early to give the day-long grueling exam).

I got a great deal on a condo when I was 23, becoming a home-owner, but it was because I was lucky enough to see the deal, and have the money saved up. But it wasn’t because I scrimped and saved and was ready.

Lucky. Always so lucky.

Even now, I walk around Chiang Mai (CM) and I think to myself, “Wow, I’m so lucky.”

One of my friends corrected me a few days ago, “You are not lucky. You made this life happen. You made this happen. Stop attributing it to luck.”

I wish I could get someone to say this to me every day.

It’s not luck. It’s not luck. It’s not luck.

You are making this happen.

Why does this matter? Because when we think something is happening because of luck, we are always afraid that Lady Luck or the Luck Monster will lose interest in us some day and will want to go off to bite someone else’s ass. There’s also the fear that we are not worthy of all of this goodness, and luck, so eventually they are going to realize this, and our luck is going to run out. Finally, if we think it’s luck, we cannot do anything to bring more of the goodness into our life.

Once that luck runs out, there’s nothing we can do. We will be back to square one, and we will have nothing. Destitute, and broke, we will be sitting on some corner, begging for dollars or cents.

This fear is always going to stay with me, because I have been told so often that the reason I have so much and I am so lucky is because of Lady Luck. She’s gracious towards me. For some reason, she loves me right now. But just like she fell in love with me, she could fall out of love at any point, and then what?

What then, really?

What will I do?

I will be nothing again.

I will be living a horrible life filled with misery, and perhaps a few goats (don’t know why goats — poetic license, so sue me).

But, if I can believe that this is all due to me — I made this life happen, I am the one who created this magical world for myself, then everything changes!

Everything changes, because I don’t have to rely on someone else to make my life the way it is. I am doing it. On my own (with a lot of support from all the different people in my life, and the universe), but still, perhaps 70% of it has to be attributed or can be attributed over to me.

That’s a big deal.

All of a sudden, the control of this lucky life is square back in my hands. I am in control. It’s all about me.

I can make more of this lucky life happen, or I can take a different direction. Whatever I decide, I can change things as I wish. The control is with me.

Not with Lady Luck, or the Luck Monster.

It’s not just the good stuff. When bad stuff happens as it does, I can start thinking about how and why I bought this into my life and how can I change it.

If I could just live every day with this kind of belief, then I would be able to do more with this lucky life, because it is happening due to me. I’m not just a puppet in someone else’s game, but I am the master of this game.

This game called Life.

I’m the one running the gamut, and the rules, and the game.

When something nice happens to me, I can try and figure out what I did to make that awesomeness come to you. If something weird happens, I can think about what I did to make that happen. It isn’t just about everyone else, but it’s about me.

I did it, and I can change it.

No more Lucky Me.

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