Your perceptions reaction

“Happiness is a choice
”“What’s *your* problem?”
“Will you stop that constant whining? What makes you think that anyone cares?”
“You just need to give yourself a kick in the rear.”
“I thought you were stronger than that.”
“Just pull yourself up”
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
“There are a lot of people worse off than you”
“You have it so good, why aren’t you happy?”
And my personal favorite, “But it’s all in your mind.”

We’ve all hear these and more. What we face on a daily basis isn’t what you think. We don’t get up in the morning and think “Look at the sun”, “What a beautiful day”, “I need coffee”, or “Let’s get to work”. Every morning is a constant battle of your inner self saying maybe just one last cut will stop this feeling. One more pill will sooth the breathing. One more. Just one more.

Numb. It’s just really numb. Yes sometime’s we’re sad, sometime’s we’re happy. But mostly… numb. Numb to your cheerful hello’s and goodbye’s. Numbness that not even a lethal dose of anesthetic would achieve. Numb to the point of wanting to feel something, anything. Anything at all. Even if it is just pain. We don’t “feel sorry for ourselves”. We don’t want to be here. We don’t have a choice of being happy or not. It is no choice to us. We have no such thing. Our problem is not that someone said “you’re fat” or “you’re ugly”. It’s not just someone doing some action that is totally uncalled for. It’s that we actually feel useless. We actually feel like we have no purpose. Not even the right to have dreams or goals, aspirations or inspirations, lethargic or energetic, unwilling or optimistic. No. And yes, there are people worse off. But there is no metric for the comparison of pain. There is scale of 1–10 how much we want to be left alone, in silence, with no disturbance. Not even cars on the street going by. Not even the ticking of the clock reminding us that time is going by with no progression in our lives. No. I can’t just “pull myself up”. There is no way but down once you’ve hit rock bottom. We long for that eternal sleep. We long to be forgotten. But you’re blind to it. We hide it too well. For those with the greatest smiles, have the most lies to tell.


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