Build a Simple as Fuck Book Cover.

Open PowerPoint and click on Blank Presentation.
Click on the ‘Design’ tab, then ‘Slide Size’ and choose ‘Custom Slide Size’ from the drop down menu. Make your slide 6 inches in width and 9 inches in height.

Now click the ‘Insert’ tab and then ‘Pictures’ and choose a file from your stash. (Do not use porn if you are making a children’s book.)

BOOM! Isn’t that pretty?

Stay on the ‘Insert’ tab and click on ‘Word Art.’

Now choose the fanciest design and write your title. 
Click on the ‘Home’ tab to choose the size, color, and font that you want.
Don’t forget your shadow and effect options by choosing ‘Text Options’ under the ‘Format Tab.’ (Don’t highlight text when adding shadow effects. Click on the surrounding box, instead)

Follow the above steps for the author’s name.
Badda-Bing, Badda-Boom!
Save file as a JPEG.

Now, just for shits and grins, we need to test your cover’s effectiveness with the masses. Let’s start by saturating Twitter and Facebook with a nice ad.

In PowerPoint click on Blank Presentation. 
Resize the slide to 6 inches in width by 4 inches in height.
This time, get rid of the “Click to add title and subtitle” boxes. Backspace works great.

Choose a background.

From the ‘Insert’ tab, choose the book cover that you saved and size it for the background. (Fool around with frames and stuff under the ‘Format’ tab for a bit of polish and dazzle.)
Also from the ‘Insert’ tab, choose ‘Text Box’ and write something charming about your book. I like to use threats.
Save file as a JPEG.

Badda-Boom, Badda-Bing!
Now make your friends on Facebook and the people of Twitter hate you.
Twitter Pro Tip: Depending on how fast your feed is moving, I suggest tweeting an ad every 6 to 7 seconds. If no one reports you, your ad is ineffective and you should increase ad tweets to every 1 to 2 seconds.

If anyone is interested, I have a Simple as Fuck book cover for Createspace that never fails.