Clap Your Hands

I like to stand in the middle of my living room and clap my hands. First, every one second. I will do this for thirty seconds. Then, every two seconds for one minute. Then, every four seconds for two minutes. Then, every eight seconds for four minutes. Then, I go back to every four seconds for two minutes. I think this is the key to the whole process. The reverse. I don’t know exactly why, but it really is what makes everything work. Maybe it is because your mind really wants you to start clapping your hands every sixteen seconds for eight minutes. I’m sure it does. It would have to. Just force it to go backwards. You have to do this. I repeat. You have to do this.

Once you do this four times a day, every day, you will be happy you did.

I understand that this may be difficult at first. Kind of like learning to use the toilet for the first time. That can take up to three years. Or, like learning to drive a stick. Which I learned to do my first day on the job as a valet at a night club in St. Thomas. Another story perhaps. Or, like trying to hold your breath for ten minutes. Or, like eating your first raw oyster. All very difficult to do at first.

Let’s move on. I was only doing this clapping exercise for fun. I would still be doing it today, but it has evolved into something more. Something much more. I noticed the change after about ten months of this routine. It was truly amazing. I immediately fainted when my mind caught up with the reality of what had just happened. When I came to, everything was still in place, not a dream. It is safe to say that I know what the inventors of penicillin, electricity, and alcohol feel like.

This is beautiful. You are really going to like this. I’m not even going to charge you for this information, or sell it to the government so they can charge you for it. Obviously, you just read everything there is to know, so you can calm down. This is not a sales pitch. There are no words or sarcastic phrases I can use to describe this. Truth is, most of you are probably too weak to do this four times a day for ten months anyway. I hope you do, though.

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