Toddler Tantrum Wine Pairings

It’s easy to find jokes about moms and wine. Well, that’s pretty accurate. Wine goes so well with so many things: fish, steak, dessert. But what do you pull out of your wine fridge when Little Johnny is running around sans pants and yelling, “Look at me!” while your mother-in-law looks on in horror? I can help!

Riesling — Pairs well with afternoon play dates

Riesling is a flowery white wine from Germany. It goes well with an afternoon play date where you have to clean you house for 3 hours before 4 small children come over to destroy it. I suggest having one glass prior to the kids arrival. Helps ease the awkwardness of chatting with Little Suzy’s mom about how she needs to have a dairy, gluten, soy, peanut, and happiness-free snack.

Shiraz — Pairs well with dinner in public

You’ve finally decided to venture out to one of the restaurants you used to frequent prior to birthing children. Everyone is dressed in clothes that have less than 2 stains, and you’re set to go. The hostess seats you by the bathroom because, well, kids. Cue the tantrum. Little Johnny loses his mind because he didn’t get the red crayon he wanted. Flag the waiter down and get yourself a nice big glass of Shiraz. With the black pepper undertones, it’s a great choice for dinner out with your spawn.

Pinot Noir — Pairs well with Potty Training

No real reason except they both start with P, and I like alliteration.

Zinfandel — Pair well with Teething

Unfortunately, you and that small person who runs your house will have to deal with teething multiple times in your lives. Because there are so many types of Zinfandel, you can find a new one for each state of teething. Find one you enjoy, and you will forget about the crying and drooling. From both of you.

Rosé — Pairs well with “My turn! My turn!”

Hell hath no fury like a toddler who wants to do something herself. I can’t go 10 minutes without The Dictator shouting at me about how it is his turn to dress himself or shove forkfuls of corn into his mouth. Knock yourself out, kid. A rosé is excellent for sipping while waiting for your tot to figure out exactly how to fasten those Velcro shoes or put on his own coat.

Moscato D’Asti — Pairs with everything

Seriously. That stuff is delicious.

All of the wines mentioned tonight also go great while hiding in the closet trying to get 2 minutes of peace.