gucci confidence on a target budget.

Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

Overcoming self-doubt in a world programmed to make you feel like shit.

I am 24 years old, I graduated with a degree in the “dying” field of journalism two years ago, and I work at a bar.

This wasn’t exactly part of my 10 year plan. I was thinking something more along the lines of snagging a music beat position at a top teir, noteworthy magazine and living in a lofted apartment in some cute city with a blue-eyed Instagram famous pit bull and a brown-eyed Instagramless indie filmmaker.

I wanted to at least be able to purchase a Gucci bag on my own by now — I mean, I don’t necessarily want a Gucci bag. I just want to peruse the store touching the soft Italian leather knowing that, if I wanted to, I could slap down my card and run off with a newly decorated shoulder.

But, I don’t have any of those things. And, that has obliterated my confidence. Chopped it up, threw it in a blender and served it as a smoothie in some hipster coffee shop. With two slurps, it’s gone.

However, I am on the path of building this once-flourishing and somewhat naive self-confidence back to its former glory. But, it has been tough. Like, really fucking tough.

Have you ever scrolled the Instagram explore page with reckless abandon? It’s filled to the damn brim with beautiful, successful women flaunting everything that I desire — an apartment, a working vehicle, a job (the kind with benefits), that godforsaken Gucci bag, the whole lot.

It’s fucking tough.

But, I’m getting there. And, I want you to get there too. Here are a few things I do to make me feel like the Instagram Explore Page Kween I so long to be (and truly am at heart.)

Focus on your craft.

I am a writer. I have always been a writer. And, I am a damn good writer. This is something I am sure of.

Since the ripe age of 16, I’ve been jotting angsty poems in my journals and writing short stories about the lives I wished I lived. In college, I was an editor of my student newspaper and won about a half a dozen grants and awards with my student publication.

I’ve met with editors of Billboard Magazine and The Fader.

I’ve produced all of the content for entire magazines from scratch all on my own.

I’ve written poems that will bring you to your knees, crime stories that will make you scared to leave your house and copy that will make you whole-heartedly believe in a brand that might actually be shit.

I’m good. But, what I have always struggled with is continuous practice.

In other words, because I’m good and because I’ve been told more than once that I’m good, I get lazy. I think “fuck writing everyday, I’ve put in my work, I’ve won the awards. I don’t need to practice.” Suddenly, my “good” work becomes sub-par. Suddenly, those awards I hang on the mantel in my mind don’t mean shit anymore. Suddenly, the one thing that gave me all the confidence in the world can no longer offer that to me because I am not giving it what it needs to flourish.

Fuck that.

So, I am now writing everyday. And, what I’m writing is absolute shit. But it’s my shit. And that’s something to be confident in.

You’ll never get what you want (i.e. the job as a music beat reporter) if you don’t continuously practice your craft.

Health is Wealth, Bitches.

Yes. You know. You get it.

Exercise releases all that feel good chemical hormone shit you could easily buy from the shady dude who stands at the end of your street. But exercise is way cheaper, makes you look better, and that guy always comments on your ass “getting fat,” so just bare with me.

Whenever I feel that my self-confidence is lacking, that I’m staring at that Instagram Explore Page Goddess a little more longingly than usual, it’s during a period of time in which I have failed to make it to the gym more than thrice a week.

According to tons of studies, (I’m not going to hyperlink them all, you took health class in high school) just 30 minutes of cardio every day can help you lose excess weight, reduce stress, boost your mood, increase energy, spark creativity and increase productivity.

You know what all successful people have? Everything those 30 minutes of cardio a day can give you.

I loathe running and sweating just as much as the next boujee girl. But it has changed the entire game for me. I’m even working meditation into my runs using the Nike Plus Run Club guided runs with Headspace’s Andy Puddicombe.

Try it for just five days and see if you don’t feel like a queen by Friday.

The Grass is Greener Under Me

Take your head out of your ass.

I know the creepy dude on the corner said it’s getting fat, but that’s no reason to loiter.

It’s so damn easy to get sucked up in this all-consuming desire for perfection. But, what you may not realize is that your life is perfect to someone else. And, it can be perfect to you if you just take a step back and look at all that you have.

For me, this meant taking a moment to realize that I am incredibly lucky.

I am lucky to be supported by my big, healthy family who loves me no matter how many times I’ve wrecked my car or lost the house keys or skipped church because I was too hungover to get out of bed.

Lucky to have friends that have actually made me pee my pants from laughter more than I’d like to admit. Lucky to have a job where some of these friends work. Lucky to be able to pay the bills. Lucky to have a roof over my head. Lucky to have a Target brand purse that sort of looks like that Gucci bag the Explore Page Princess wears.

Confidence takes work, just like anything else you desire. And, just like everything else you desire, you can have it if you really fucking want it.