The Idea That You Have To Be With Someone…

Somehow, there's this ingrained idea that as human beings, you have to be with someone, and if you're not, then something’s wrong with you. I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing-- I mean, I guess it makes sense why it’d be beneficial for the human race, but still, the world around us seems to label us broken if we aren’t with someone.

First of all, I believe that there are far too many people that are in relationships and don't know why (other than they feel like they're supposed to be). A lot of times, those relationships are destructive, especially when each one of them has a different set of rules for what a “good partner” should be.

Tony Robbins says that most of the time, arguments happen because your rules don't match up with theirs. There's a misunderstanding and if there is no communication-- if the rules weren’t laid out beforehand, then you're going to have conflict.

For example, say you like to have a clean sink, but you never voiced that, then you come home from work one day and you see that your partner has left a sink full of dirty dishes. What's more, you need to use some of said dishes so now you have to clean up their mess. If this wasn’t discussed beforehand-- you know, “let's keep things clean so that the other person can always use them” then that’s going to cause conflict.

Maybe the person who used the dishes in the first place was simply thinking “I'll wash them when I get home from work.” They're not trying to come at their partner like “Hey, I'm going to use these and you're gonna wash them because you’re my (personal servant).” At least I'd like to think that's the case with most people. I know it’s gonna sound cliche, but it's simply a failure to communicate.

I know I kinda went off on a tangent since the main idea was the whole “you have to be with somebody” thing. I guess what I was getting at was that if the person you’re with isn't right for you, isn't it better to not be with them? If that person is causing you stress or keeping you from being the best version of yourself-- let's not even get into the area of abuse (physical or mental)-- why would you want to stay in the relationship? Just so you won't be single, because being single means you aren’t valuable in the eyes of society? I don't get it...

My opinion is, find out who you are first and then worry about relationships. When you become the most honest and creative version of yourself, that other person kinda just gravitates to you (apparently). Because when you are that, the energy/vibration that you’re putting out into the world is true and it can then match with a like energy.

And if that's too spiritual, then here: be who you are because if you're being somebody else, you'll attract the wrong person. Yes you might attract someone great, but someone not great for you. And then one day, you’re both gonna realize you’re unhappy and you got into the relationship for superficial reasons. Understand?

That being said, I'm the worst person to give relationship advice, ‘cause honestly I don't know how to be in one. So, take my word for what it is, but I believe that if you can't be with somebody that compliments you, who encourages you to be the best version of yourself, and who you can grow with, then you’re better off on your own. I don't think you should settle for “good enough” or “bad”-- some people settle for bad because it’s better than nothing and that's insanity to me as well.

As always, I’m open for argument. I do understand scarcity and all of that-- thinking that no one else could ever love you, or being afraid to leave an abusive relationship. I understand that those situations exist. If you’re one of those who fights for relationships no matter what (even though you have an out), I want to hear your side. Is it worth the fight? Dealing with the things that you don’t like or that are destructive to your growth? If so, tell me why. And the other side-- I want to hear from the people who agree me, who left a bad relationship and who are in a better place for it, whether it be with someone else or on their own.

Really, I want people to take away that there's nothing “wrong” with you if you're not in a relationship. There’s nothing “wrong” with anyone except those who wish to purposely harm others. And even that’s just an opinion.