How Introverts Can Make and Keep Great Friends: Tips for Building Strong Friendships
Are you an introvert trying to widen your social circle with quality friends and need help figuring out where or how to start? Check out these amazing tips to guide you on making, building, and sustaining new quality friendships.
It’s no secret that introverts have a hard time making new friends. The reason isn’t far-fetched. Unlike extroverts who enjoy being around people in public spaces, interacting and socializing with just about anyone, introverts love having their privacy and dealing with a few people.
But to make new friends, you must meet new people. And that isn’t an introvert’s strongest quality.
The first stages of friendship are the toughest for an introvert. The fear of the unknown when they have to introduce themselves to a stranger. What if they get shut down? What if they like the person and she doesn’t share their feelings? Or if the person responds well but his personality is unappealing and spending time with that person would exhaust them?
Then there is the awkward talking stage. Introverts do not enjoy making small talk. Once an introvert survives this stage, it gets easier to preserve and develop the friendship into a great relationship.
This article emphasizes friendship quality over quantity.
The goal is not just to meet new people. As an introvert, having the right kind of friendship is infinitely more important for you than having many friends. What is the point of having a friend when you are afraid to be yourself around that person because you’re trying to make yourself likable?
You should constantly ask yourself whether hanging out with your friend exhausts you so much that you need a few days indoors to recharge and recover. We aim to suggest practical ways to help introverts build and maintain quality friendships.
If you want to widen your social circle with quality friends and you’re unsure where to start, we’ve got some tried and tested tips to help you through the process.
You may also like: 7 Tips for Introverts to Ace Their Next Interview
Why Is It Hard for Introverts to Make Friends?
Before we get to the tips for making and keeping friends, let’s make sure we understand what an introvert really is — and why it can be difficult for them to meet new people.
An introvert is energized by the time spent alone and usually drained after attending social activities containing large crowds. Because introverts prefer internal reflection and solitary activities, they are often seen as perpetually shy people who dislike social interaction. However, this isn’t always true. Introverts prefer to socialize one-on-one or in small groups and may even behave like their direct opposites — extroverts — when with close friends.
The concept of introversion and extraversion was first popularized by psychiatrist Carl Jung in 1920. According to Jung, introverts find comfort in their inner world of thoughts and feelings and usually keep their social circle limited. He defined introversion and extraversion to be mutually exclusive, but we know that a person can have varying degrees of each or display different traits in different settings.
The theory of introversion and extraversion has also been key to other personality theories, especially the Big Five personality traits theory, widely regarded as one of the most important theories for determining people’s personalities.
Although no two introverts are the same, the following are some of their most common attributes which can impact their ability to make new friends.
· They need time to recharge after a social outing and often prefer staying home to attending social events.
· They keep a small circle of close friends.
· They find it uncomfortable to approach strangers and initiate a conversation.
· They are comfortable working and being alone.
7 Tips to Help Introverts Meet New People and Make Friends
Introverts naturally keep a small circle of friends with whom they form a deep emotional connection, which is perfectly okay. Don’t let others guilt trip you into making friends you don’t want or need. You don’t have to make small talk with everyone you meet. If having a few close friends brings you all the happiness you need, do it.
However, you may have valid reasons for making new friends.
Maybe you spend so much time alone that it is unhealthy, and you have no close friends. Other causes include attending college, changing schools, starting a new job, or relocating to a new place. You have to make new friends unless you plan on taking your old friends with you.
Here are seven tips to help you widen your social circle with great friends.
Take More Interest in Those Around You
We often miss what is right in front of us because we are too preoccupied with the outside world. The best place to start your search for quality friendship is with your close associates. Why not take more interest in your neighbors and find out if you’re compatible as friends? A few people at your workplace are probably willing and compatible as your friends. You don’t have to restrict your interactions to the obligatory “hello” at the beginning of the day.
Join Groups for People with Shared Interests
Instead of making small talk with random strangers in the hope that you find something that interests you both, avoid that awkward phase by attending groups or clubs for people with similar interests. This way, you can quickly develop a conversation because you already have a common interest to build on.
Think about something you love doing or that skill you have. Then find people with similar interests. Because there is a connection with something you enjoy, and it’s a shared interest, there is great potential for a friendship to grow. This kind of friendship also takes less effort because hanging out might involve engaging in that activity without even talking.
Worst-case scenario, you make some new acquaintances and get out of the house and have fun doing something you like doing.
Leave Your Comfort Areas Occasionally
Compelling introverts to leave their comfort zones to make new friends isn’t the greatest advice. It’s just not who they are. Introverts revel in having time alone and often prefer staying inside. When they do go outside, it’s usually solo activities (or with small groups that they know well). However, they’ll hardly be able to meet anyone that way. Potential friends will not come into their room to make their acquaintance.
So instead of asking an introvert to do what is generally uncomfortable and potentially detrimental to their well-being, better advice might be to mix the comfortable with the uncomfortable. For example, they should go out occasionally and leave enough time to reenergize before they attempt to put themselves out there again. Also, since they find it challenging to socialize in public events, attending social activities with close friends will provide balance.
As an introvert, going out and meeting new people is important. You shouldn’t only restrict yourself to groups where you all share similar ideas. Sometimes, exploring and meeting people with diverse interests and views is good. If you only hang out with like-minded people, you risk having a limited view of the world.
Make the First Move
Many introverts can’t summon the courage to make the first move because they fear rejection. What if you approach someone, and they turn you down? Or what if she responds well, but her personality is a turn-off, and you find yourself stuck in a toxic friendship? We admit that those scenarios are possible, but you shouldn’t let the fear of setbacks deter you from trying to succeed.
Things may not go well on your first few tries, but with practice, you’ll get better at approaching people. Even if the conversation doesn’t lead to friendship, you will get better at social situations the more you try. Do not feel the need to rush this process. Introverts may not deal very well with strangers, especially when they must initiate conversations. This process is easier if a friend acts as your wingman while approaching strangers.
Here’s a simple trick to help you practice.
The next time you are paying for something at a store, look at the cashier’s name tag. Greet the person by name, saying, “Hello, Mary. How are you today?” Or when you are done, say, “Thank you, John. Have a nice day.” This interaction is time-limited, you don’t have to worry about what happens next. Plus, you will make the person feel good, and that will make you feel good too! This positive feeling and boost of confidence will make things easier the next time.
Be Approachable
Everyone fears rejection, but some people handle it better than others. When a stranger sees you and wants to make your acquaintance, your body language determines whether they will do so. If you always frown, avoid eye contact, and sit in a corner with crossed arms in public spaces, chances are no one will approach you with the hope of building a friendship.
When you’re in public, try to smile (Although not so much that it looks creepy). Keep your head high and try to make eye contact with people to display confidence and appeal to those wanting to say hello.
Meet People Online
Social media is a great place to meet people. Introverts thrive in this space because they feel more protected. Their fear of rejection on social media isn’t as great as in public areas. They also find it easier to get out of awkward conversations on social media.
You may also join localized online forums if your goal is to work up to meeting in person. Research shows that, while offline friendships may be higher in quality than online friendships, the difference in quality disappears over time when online friendships become mixed-mode friendships (friendships that start online and extend to offline settings).
Friends of Friends
Ask your friends to connect you with their other friends, neighbors, co-workers, or family members. Your friends understand your likes and dislikes and can tell if you’re compatible with others they know.
5 Tips to Help Introverts Keep and Build Strong Friendships
Making friends is only one step in the process of building quality friendships. You also need to do things to help you preserve and build the relationship. Here are five tips to help you develop your relationship with friends.
Be Yourself
Don’t let your quest to find or keep friends turn you into something you’re not. If your friendship is built on pretense, you’ll get tired at some point and stop trying to sustain the relationship. A deep and healthy long-term relationship can only be built with honesty.
Let your friends know what you enjoy doing, how you need alone time to reenergize, and how some activities exhaust you. If they don’t love you for who you are, then they are not worth having as friends. Besides, many other potential friends will share your interests.
Prioritize Quality Over Quantity
Do not be tempted to make more friends than you can handle in your quest to make new friends. Introverts are generally content with a few people to build meaningful relationships. Your number of friends is less important than friendship quality. According to a study, the quality of your friendship is more important for your happiness as you grow older.
There is no point in keeping many friends when you can barely make time to hang out with them, and you feel drained of social energy after an outing. Focus on developing your relationship with the few friends you value.
Communicate
Keep in touch with your friends. Call or text them, whichever one you find more comfortable. When they reach out to you, respond as quickly as you can. Take an interest in their lives and let them know you’re ready to help when they need it. Let your friend know your likes and dislikes so they avoid doing things that put you off.
Also, there is no harm in letting others know the areas where you struggle. Telling a friend that you sometimes find it hard to respond to messages or to initiate the call helps them understand that your tendency to not respond to texts is not a sign of general disinterest in the friendship.
Make Specific Plans
As an introvert, you know that attending social events takes much effort. You even derive joy in having your social events canceled. However, you can only avoid outings for so long as hanging out with your friends is necessary to sustain and develop your friendship. To resist your natural urge not to go out, make specific plans.
Telling your friend that “you should hang out sometime” is not specific, and the time may never come. However, if you’re intentional about preserving your friendship, plan this way: “Let’s go watch the new Avengers movie next Tuesday at 9.” That is a specific plan that has a high potential for getting done.
Know When to Say No
Don’t say yes to every request from your friend, especially if it affects you adversely. You need to set clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. If you can’t say no to your friends, your friendship won’t last.
If you’re uncomfortable attending a social event, speak up and let your friends know. Don’t let your need to please make you do things harmful to your emotional well-being.
Taking care of yourself, according to you your personal needs, is important. But learn to choose your moments. You risk destroying your relationship by canceling every plan with your friend to spend time alone.
Making and keeping great friends takes time and effort.
You must be patient enough for your friendships to develop. Understand that the first phase may be awkward, but with time and practice, new friendship blossoms into something meaningful.
Author Bio — Sodiq Kolade, BrainManager Team
Sodiq Kolade holds a Bachelor’s degree in Mechanical Engineering from the University of Ibadan. He is passionate about helping others become the best version of themselves and believes this can only be achieved by understanding their personalities and what makes them tick.
Sodiq uses his creative writing, research, and storytelling skills to develop high-quality articles to aid personal, career, and societal development. He loves writing for BrainManager because it allows him to help people on a much wider scale.
