Self-Talk Tips to Chase Away the Blues: Talk Your Way to More Happiness!
Your inner voice is an internal dialogue influenced by your conscious and unconscious thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and questions. Learn how to use positive self-talk to bring more happiness and joy into your life. Start your journey to a happier you with these tips.
By Perus Khasiro, BrainManager Team (read my bio)
You just woke up — later than you should have — and already feel down in the dumps. Your thoughts are racing with worries and stress, and lifting yourself out of this hole seems almost impossible. Then, you realize that you missed the start of your Zoom meeting.
What’s your immediate reaction?
Is it a frantic scramble, cursing the universe for your misfortune? Or perhaps a sinking feeling of guilt and self-reproach?
It’s perfectly normal to feel a surge of panic or regret in such situations — we’re humans, and these things happen.
However, did you notice an inner monologue going on in your head? That stream of thoughts and judgments, consciously or not, is commonly referred to as “self-talk,” and it can have a powerful effect on your emotions.
It might be a whisper or a loud shout, but it’s always there, steering us through our reactions and emotions.
This internal dialogue can be excessively optimistic, motivating you, or overly negative, becoming an inner critic — all the more reason to explore this phenomenon and see how you can tune in to your inner voice for improved mental health and a happier life.
Self-Talk: Definition and Why It Matters
Some of the earliest studies on self-talk can be traced back to the 1880s. According to Psychology Today magazine,
“Many people are conscious of an inner voice that provides a running monologue on their lives throughout the day. This inner voice, or internal dialogue, combining conscious thoughts and unconscious beliefs and biases, provides a way for the brain to interpret and process daily experiences.”
In other words, our self-talk is a way of interpreting the world around us. It is an internal dialogue that reflects our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and others. This includes both positive and negative statements.
When positive, self-talk can help us deal with difficult emotions or situations and boost our self-confidence.
Unfortunately, it is human nature to be prone to negative self-talk such as “I can’t do anything right” or “I’m a complete failure.”
Flipping the Narrative
Ever heard the phrase “the power of the tongue?” Well, it holds even in the context of self-talk.
Our words matter, and once you listen to your inner voice, you can reverse any negative trends. We can’t always control what life throws our way, but we can choose how to respond.
Rather than ruminating on the negatives, why not switch up the narrative and focus on what gives you joy and happiness?
In fact, experts emphasize a vital ground rule. “Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to anyone else.”
So the next time you mess up and notice a harsh inner voice, take a deep breath and try giving yourself some more positive words.
For example:
· Instead of saying, “What was I thinking?” how about “I’m human. I make mistakes. It’s okay. I can learn and move on.”
· Instead of “I can’t do this,” how about “I’m capable and strong, I will find a way to make it work.”
· Instead of “I can’t believe I messed up again,” how about “I can look at this as an opportunity to grow and get better.”
No matter how small it may seem, reframing your thoughts this way could help you find a more empowering reaction to challenging moments. It also creates room for other parts of you, including the ones that say, “I’m capable, and I can handle this!”
With practice, it will eventually become automatic!
The Power of Positive Self-Talk
Although self-talk research is still in progress, experts at the Mayo Clinic suggest that shifting negative thoughts toward positive ones can produce positive changes in your mood.
In a nutshell, positive self-talk can also lead to:
· Lower stress levels
· Increased life span
· Improved psychological and physical well-being
· Lower rates of depression
· Healthier outlook on life and better coping skills
· Increased emotional intelligence and resilience
· More energy and improved concentration
The Impact of Negative Self-Talk
We’ve talked about the benefits of positive self-talk, but it’s important to understand that negative self-talk can be just as harmful.
Research has indicated that people who engage in negative or critical self-talk are more likely to experience depression and anxiety. The problem is that when you talk badly to yourself, your brain starts believing these negative statements — leading to a downward spiral.
Negative self-talk has also been found to “feed” stress while lowering levels of self-esteem. This, in turn, affects how you view yourself and interact with others, leaving you feeling helpless and lowly motivated.
Identifying the Negative Thinking
The worst part about negative thinking is that it often comes as a habit (and a destructive one at that). People don’t even realize how much they’re speaking negatively to themselves, and so they don’t take the time to work on changing it.
To break this pattern, start by becoming aware of your thought patterns — what kind of words do you use when you talk to yourself? Are they constructive or destructive?
If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of negative thinking, take a step back and re-evaluate the situation. Ask yourself:
· Is this thought true?
· What evidence do I have to support it?
· Would I say this to someone else? If not, why am I saying it to myself?
These questions can help you better understand your emotions and break the cycle of negative self-talk. However, it is also essential to identify the common forms of negative self-talk and to recognize them when they occur.
Common negative thought patterns include:
Personalizing
Personalization is characterized by blaming yourself when something bad occurs — taking everything personally when in reality, there is no connection. For example, suppose a friend turns down your invitation to hang out. In that case, you might think it’s because you’re not interesting enough or they don’t like you anymore.
Catastrophizing
Catastrophizing is the practice of making mountains out of molehills — or expecting the worst possible outcome for any situation. For example, you get a flat tire on your way to work and think the rest of your day will be a disaster.
Magnifying
Magnifying is a type of thinking that involves focusing on the negative aspects of an experience while ignoring the positives. For example, if you’ve accomplished something minor, you might brush it off with “It’s not that big of a deal.”
Filtering
Filtering is ignoring the positive aspects of a situation and over-focusing on the negative parts. For example, if someone compliments you on your writing, you might only remember the one constructive comment they made about it.
Blaming
With the blaming thought pattern, taking personal responsibility for what happened is the least on your mind. Instead, you blame someone or something else for the problem. For example, if you fail a class, you might blame the professor for not preparing you well.
Perfectionism
The tendency to expect perfection in all things, even when the expectation is unrealistic or beyond your control, is not a healthy thought pattern. It is quite common in people with Type A personalities.
Polarizing
Polarizing is a type of thinking that involves making a situation look black or white, with no shades of grey. There is no room for a middle ground.
Redirecting the Blues to More Happiness
Sometimes, catching ourselves in the moment and remembering to turn those negative thoughts around can be difficult. In the long run, we get so used to negative self-talk that it becomes second nature.
Here are some tips on how to stay grounded and let go of the blues:
1. Take a step back.
It is human nature to react to situations without thinking. Take the example of being heartbroken — it’s easy to spiral down into a pit of negativity by blaming yourself and others. You may also tear yourself down for making decisions you think are wrong.
But, hey, heartbreaks and breakups are part of life. Instead, take a moment and step back to think clearly before letting your emotions run away.
2. Reframe.
Once you have a clearer picture of the situation, it’s time to reframe it in more constructive terms. Instead of looking at the failure or loss as permanent, see it as an opportunity for growth or improvement. If it’s a job loss, consider it a chance to gain new skills and make better connections.
3. Find your anchor.
It can be helpful to ground yourself when sadness and guilt overwhelm you. Whenever doubt creeps in, find a point of reference or activity that helps you stay connected with reality. This could be anything from deep breathing exercises to reading a book or talking to a friend. You may even find comfort in writing out your feelings and reflecting on what you’ve written.
4. Take an inventory.
Notice your thoughts, blow off steam if necessary, and then list the things that are going well. There are always a few bright spots, whether it’s your skills, job performance, relationships, or health.
Try focusing on the positive and remind yourself that you have many things going for you. This helps you stay focused on the positives in life and gives your perspective on less desirable events.
5. Engage your curiosity.
Another trick to get you out of the blues is to bring your curiosity into your self-talk. While doing so, using your name is helpful. For example, “Emma, why do you think this happened?” or “Emma, what have you learned from this experience?”
While still exploring your curiosity, you may even discover that the “should” thoughts in your mind stem from a part of your inner self that hasn’t kept up with your current stage in life or your present values. This self-exploration can be a “ticket” for a positive change in your life.
6. Show yourself some compassion.
Most importantly, show yourself some love and empathy when those negative thoughts start coming in! The key is to remember that you are not your emotions, and it’s okay if you feel fear or sadness. Give yourself space to feel whatever comes up without judgment.
Talking negatively about ourselves only makes us feel more overwhelmed or even worse. Instead, talk yourself up and remind yourself how strong you are and that every challenge is an opportunity to learn.
7. Reinforce.
Make these positive self-talk practices part of your everyday routine. Reiterate positive statements out loud, write them down in a journal, or carry around a list of things you love about yourself — whatever works for you!
Positive Self-Talk Can Up Your Confidence!
Self-talk is a powerful tool that builds or breaks you. If you constantly have negative thoughts, don’t expect them to change overnight.
With practice and patience, you can transform your inner voice from one of self-doubt to self-acceptance.
When your mind is attuned to positive thoughts, you can hold onto hope and tap into your inner strength. You’ll feel more empowered to face life’s disappointments, stay resilient in the face of adversity, and even find joy in moments of struggle.
So don’t let negative self-talk bring you down — make like Nike and just do it!
