2022: Fragile, Handle With Care

I’ve always loved reading the end-of-year reflections that inevitably spring up during the final week of the year. It’s the one week where time means absolutely nothing, naps are plentiful and encouraged, and being off of work for the holidays (or out of work in general) gives you the space to think about the highs and lows of the year and the impact they made.

While lists of end-of-year career wins are often inspiring and sometimes serve as fuel for me to keep going (because if it can happen for them, it can happen for me!) this year was filled with so many reminders, some quiet, others blaring, that life is so much more than the work we do. Accordingly, my Top 12 end-of-year wins reflect that, in order of how they’ve unfolded.

1. I was staffed on my first TV show as a writer. This has been years in the making and a literal dream come true. Funny enough it happened six years AFTER leaving Los Angeles and was made possible by Zoom, an option I hope can still be utilized in hybrid rooms as we move back to going more in-person.
2. My circle held me together when I wanted to quit said show. Working in an environment that would alternate between being racially hostile and misogynistic took a toll on my mind and body, aggravating health issues that I didn’t realize were compounded by stress. But the money was life-changing for someone who doesn’t come from it, and walking away from something I’d worked so hard to achieve because of the bad behavior of others, felt unfair. (And I wasn’t even the one who got the brunt of it.) I will forever be grateful to the friends and mentors who gave me the strength to hang on until that book turned a page when a new showrunner took the reigns. And I will always be grateful to that new showrunner for valuing my voice after his predecessor dismissed it so easily.
3. After almost two years of seemingly disparate health issues, I was diagnosed with lupus. Easily taking the top spot for big news of the year, this was a shock to the system. It’s made me angry at times (and scared, which is much harder to admit), but there’s also a comfort in finally knowing what’s wrong. Because while there may not be a cure, there’s now a treatment plan in place (insert prescription for more pole & pilates!), complete with a whole set of doctors with specialties I never knew existed. So when celebs talk about having a “team” I can now relate. Cause so do I boo. So do I.
4. I left my marriage and am finding peace. He’s still a nice guy, a great dad, and someone I will always root for. But he’s not the right partner for me, nor am I for him, and no amount of work will change that if we’re being honest. That honesty is a massive relief.
5. We moved into separate houses that are turning into homes. Going from a two-income household to one, especially as a creative who hops from job to job, is not for the faint of heart. But we did it and I’m proud of both of us for making that transition as smooth as we did during a time that was nothing short of tumultuous. If I wrote a montage of why this move was sped up it’d be widely panned for having too much going on at once. Just know that it involved our old attic becoming a mini forest complete with baby raccoons (and an angry raccoon mom). And I am not Snow White over here so we had to bounce!
6. My kids graduated! The oldest graduated from high school and the middle graduated from middle (haha). That may only be funny to me and I’m okay with that. Both of these boys finished strong and are starting their next chapter, and that comes with its own set of challenges. Some of which I’m ready for, and others I feel wholly ill-equipped to handle. In either case, I’m grateful for the (sometimes difficult) discussions we have, which is not the open dialogue dynamic I had growing up, but one that my mother and I have now. So one way or another I know that we’ll figure this out, together.
7. I found a FANTASTIC therapist and did EMDR 2–3x a week. This is something I’ve wanted to do for a while now, so when a spot opened up on her waiting list I snatched it up! EMDR is a type of therapy that helps you process both “Big-T trauma,” complex issues stemming from abuse, neglect, assault, etc., and “little-t trauma,” unresolved emotions that we all experience for different reasons. I can’t begin to describe how transformative this is, but if you’re curious, episode 10 of The Mental Wealth Show Podcast does a great job explaining the nuts and bolts of how EMDR works. It’s fascinating, painful, humbling, enlightening, brutal, affirming, and most of all, WORTH IT.
8. I advocated for communities that matter to me. In April, I participated in the Writers For Hope auction benefitting survivors of sexual violence. It’s held annually in honor of Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month (#SAAPM) and while this was my first year involved, it certainly won’t be my last. I also joined the Race And Class Equity task force of MICAH, a Memphis-based community organization that uses a multi-prong approach to advocate for reform and hold local leaders accountable. I may not have a ton of time (or money) to give, but I do believe it all adds up.
9. I prioritized travel. This included sharing meals with friends in other states, taking a solo trip to New York that will one day be a highly entertaining (read: salacious) chapter in my memoir, seeing two delightful musicals on Broadway, having the time of my life at film festivals (looking at you Cucalorus!), and returning my boys to their roots with a family vacation to California that brought us all some joy.
10. I returned to my love of singing. An attempt at taking voice lessons led me to see an ENT who, through the use of a pretty cool camera that snakes down your nose and into your throat, showed me that I have a little thing called Muscle Tension Dysphonia. It’s very common and sometimes isn’t even treated, but for someone who relies on her voice for much of my work, (and ADORES all forms of karaoke) I am supremely grateful for the health insurance I now have that’s allowing me to give my body some extra TLC. I wish this for everyone as healthcare should be a human right, not a privilege. At the very least, our elected officials shouldn’t have it if the general public can’t.
11. I showed up for my friends. None of my close friends live in my city and honestly, it f**king sucks. But I made space for them (as they have for me) between texting, group chats, audio messages, FaceTime, and even social media, in between traveling to see them in person. Their wins feel like mine, even from afar, and their struggles are shared, even when all I can do is listen. I lost one of them a few weeks ago without warning, and nothing prepares you for that. At all. So all I can say is: show up for your friends every chance you get. It may be your last.
12. Finally, I turned 40. And though I work in an industry where folks (especially women) are constantly warned not to share their real age, my gratitude won’t let me hide it. This year, more than ever, I’ve been confronted with how fragile life is and how lucky (favored, blessed, etc.) I am to be alive and growing into my own. Aging itself is a gift, to do so gracefully is a bonus, and those who think otherwise haven’t spent enough time facing the alternative. This year has given me enough glimpses of that for me to not take any birthday (or hell, any day really) for granted. Cues Jonathan Larson’s “No Day But Today.”

Lyrics from the musical RENT

So so long, farewell, and adieu ’22! You’re the year that has thrown me the most loops by far, but you’re also the first year in a while that hasn’t carried an undercurrent of regret. Perhaps that’s the greatest win of them all.