Pulling yourself out of DickSand 101

Maybe he’s just not into you.

The first step to healing yourself is to admit you have a problem.

Is your problem dicksand? Not sure what it is? Here is my semi-formal definition of the word.

Let’s try this together:
Self, I have a problem with _______.

Dicksand is when most girls, ladies, and women get attached and/or obsessed with the guy that is giving them dick.

It’s basic biology when you think about it really. It has been scientifically proven that women are more likely to have an emotional attachment to sex than men.

A 2011 study conducted by psychology professor Jim Pfaus at Concordia University in Canada revealed that there is an “overlap between sexual desire and emotional love in the brain’s insular cortex.” They are still different receptive areas of the brain, meaning that the two emotions are different, but the overlap means that the connection between love and lust is stronger than once thought.

Which is why after sex most women, who aren’t planning to have a one time fling, have lingering thoughts in their minds. For example:

“Where do we go from here”
“Does this mean something more”?
“Will this be the last time I see him”?

As women, we are more intelligent, emotional, and mentally in tune with the love hormone.

As women, we tend to crave strong arms to cuddle with after a sexual encounter.

As women we tend to release higher levels of oxytocin than men do after sex, which means by scientific law, the post-sex attachment levels are also higher.

Bummer right?

So what do we do next? Where do we start?

I’ve composed three theories of dicksand separation.

The Go with the flow Theory
  • Observe: Monitor your subjects actions when dealing with him in social settings. Watch the way he reacts to different women and the way men interact with you. Listen to his words.
  • Research: Men are simple. Men show you and tell you who they really are if you pay attention.
  • Hypothesis: If you end up catch feelings for a lost cause, then you will have to live with the consequences.
  • Experiment: Keep it cool! Spend time when time allows, and be yourself. Make sure he knows how much you don’t care. Don’t expect much from him because, let’s face it, it will most likely end in disappointment.
  • Conclusion: Expect nothing. Accept it as is. Be real with yourself.

The Mulitple Options Theory

Observe: Tell the subject you are not interested in anything serious and would like to casually date. Monitor how he reacts to your encounters other with males. Monitor how he reacts everytime your phone dings.

Research: Men are sensitive and territorial. Men hate knowing there is a possibility another man is experiencing what he enjoys from you.

Hypothesis: If you date with more than one guy and only sleep with one, then you will have a filler for your emotional attachment.

Experiment: Allow yourself time to breathe from the supplier. Go on dates and explore your options. Meet new people. Learn new things about yourself and what you won’t tolerate from men.

Conclusion: Never put all your eggs in one basket. Use your time wisely. Don’t spread yourself too thin.

The Love or Let Go Theory

Observe: Tell the subject you are not looking for a fling or a relationship, only friendship. Monitor how often he reaches out to you. Watch him reveal his flaws overtime.

Research: Men are most comfortable when they aren’t trying to impress someone. Men want to fall in love with and marry their best friend.

Hypothesis: If he doesn’t love you for everything that you are, then let him miss out on the best thing he never knew he needed.

Experiment: Befriend and support him. Indulge in your sexual desires if ego allows. Learn what makes him tick, what makes him laugh, and what makes him cry. Become his safehaven. Never change who you are in the process.

Conclusion: Grow into a friendship. Learn to love him. If it’s obvious your love won’t be matched, then let him go.

Moral of this story: Be real with yourself or be bitter and drown.

As women we are born to love, and cursed to feel. It’s just human nature.


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Medium Staff. SF Ali. BlogHer.