GFY, Bernie: My 10 Favorite Responses

So that happened. Most of the responses I received to my post on Bernie’s comments were some version of “Go fuck YOURSELF, Brandon.” But here are 10 funny/revealing comments:

1. It doesn’t matter if it’s you laying the smack down on Sanders, or Holly Wood flaming Clinton on an almost daily basis. We simply can’t afford to alienate each other during the primary season.

Fair enough. But it boggles my mind that people would sit home because they have to settle for the candidate that only agrees with them 90% of the time, instead of the guy who wants to deregulate Wall Street, give massive tax breaks to the rich, gut environmental protections, outlaw gay marriage, etc. I guess for those people politics is a reality competition between personalities — not about the issues. Or maybe they’re just really stubborn. Or maybe some people just like to watch the world burn. (Bern?)

But it reminds me of my all-time favorite Barney Frank quip. This is from after Republicans bailed on a bill because — supposedly — Speaker Pelosi’s floor speech was too mean:

FRANK: But think about this. Somebody hurt my feelings, so I will punish the country. That’s hardly plausible. And there are 12 Republican members who were ready to stand up for the economic interest of America, but not if anybody insulted them.
I’ll make an offer. Give me those 12 people’s names and I will go talk uncharacteristically nicely to them and tell them what wonderful people they are and maybe they’ll now think about the country.

Next comment! You can tell this guy is a Keith Olbermann fan (so am I).

2. Well you, sir, are beneath contempt. So yeah, go fuck yourself.

Reminds me of one of my favorite SNL sketches:

It is the FEAR, sir, and the TYRANNY of with which we DARE no longer PUT!

Next one!

3. This article is the epitome of click-bate. The title makes an extreme statement, only to take it all back in the article. How much do you get paid per click Mr. English? The truth is that Bernie Sanders has been the voice for the voiceless since the 60’s and has stayed consistent with his message throughout time.
  1. Guilty as charged on clickbait. It’s what I do.
  2. Wait, can I get paid for this?
  3. “Voice for the voiceless”? Brad L. was right. Bernie is the new CM Punk.

Next one!

4. You’re a stupid bitch. In what fucking sense is Bernie reducing “Obama to the President that the Blacks like?” HRC is obviously pandering to the black vote aligning herself with Obama. Why else would she do it? You’re a fucking tool, Brandon fuck face English.

There’s so much to love in that one. But to answer the question “why else would she do it?”… Hillary is running in the Democratic primary. Obama is popular among Democrats. Of all races. I’d imagine that’s why she’s doing it.

5. If you want the world to evolve into a place where race doesn’t matter, quit acting like race matters.

To steal a line from a prominent Bernie supporter:

Next one!

6. You, Sir, are an asshole.

Another Olbermann fan!

If I didn’t know better I’d think this next one was a Bernie Bro parody. Turns out the polls showing Dems overwhelmingly approve of Obama are skewed!

7. Who believes this number, 83%? You must be lumping in the pro-corporate Republicans who secretly love Obama because he enables the political elite to divert Americans’ attention to cultural battles (gay rights and the like) while the real economy/political system withers.

OK. There are a bunch of softballs here. But instead, let me make this larger point. Part of what’s supposed to make us proud to be progressive is that we’re reality-based.

The stereotypical Bernie Bro is the opposite. He has an opinion. He surrounds himself with people who agree. And if you disagree, he just shouts his opinion louder. And apparently it can even get to the point where you deny basic facts. “My Facebook friends and I don’t like Obama, so most Democrats must not like him. Well, except for the Blacks. They won’t give up on their guy.”

That’s the mentality that’s so frustrating to me, and set me off about Bernie’s comments in the first place. Both because it’s super-problematic and because it leads to losing. We can’t lose this election.

(To be clear, I highly doubt Bernie or most of Bernie’s supporters are as out-of-touch with reality as that commenter is. Also, this Bernie Bro is a Bernie Sis. So it’s not just guys.)

8. Obama is good, but far from perfect.

No. Obama’s not perfect. Stipulated. But he’s damn good. And most Dems agree.

9. No need to use profanity.

If I had to do it over again I’m not sure if I would’ve used the same title. It made it too easy for POLITICO and The Hill to make it sound like “Dem establishment lashes out at Bernie” instead of “Black guy upset by problematic Bernie comment.”

I don’t blame them. If I were going for clicks I’d go with the same angle. But in reality, I’m just a guy on vacation who read Twitter and had an opinion he wanted to share with his friends. And as my friends know, GFY is closer in meaning to “girl, please” than “I hate you forever!” in my vocabulary.

On the upside, I hope all the attention was a wake-up call that Bernie’s team and other Democrats will keep in mind when they’re talking about the President.

Last comment!

10. Something written this badly and unprofessionally should be on Tumblr, not Medium.

Puppy GIFs!!!