Why the Golden Rule is Wrong

We’ve all heard the maxim “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” You know this as the Golden Rule. You might have also heard it phrased as “treat others how you want to be treated.” Same principle.

Some form or variation of the Golden Rule is found in almost every major religion around the world. It has often been used as the standard to which we should treat each other.

It’s also wrong.

What? That’s blasphemy! Who are you, Mr. Brandon Grooms, to say that thousands of years of applying the Golden Rule is wrong?

Just because a lot of people believe it, doesn’t mean it’s true. Hear me out.

Let’s break down the Golden Rule first. We’ll use the phrase “treat others how you want to be treated.” At first glance, it seems pretty straightforward. “If I don’t want someone to yell at me when I make a mistake, then I’m not going to yell at them when they make a mistake.”

That sounds really good in theory. However, there is one major flaw.

What if you want to be yelled at when you make a mistake?

If I’m the manager and I don’t want yelled at when I make a mistake, then I don’t yell at you when you make a mistake. But what if you’re the type of person who likes being yelled at when you make a mistake. What if you’re the type of person who wants, even needs, to be yelled at to motivate yourself? What if you’re the type of person who feels that in order to be held accountable they must be called out on? If so, you don’t get that from me as the manager because I’m not going to give you that because that’s not how I want to be treated.

Can you see where the issue comes in?

Some people like it when their managers are blunt, who don’t mince words, and who get right to the point. Some people would rather their managers be more diplomatic about things. Some people like when their managers engage in small talk, ask questions about them, and try to get them to know them better. On the other hand, some people just want to show up to work, do their job, and only talk about work related topics when necessary.

None of these methods are right nor wrong. They’re just different. Like people.

That’s what it boils down to. People are different. If I treat you like I want to be treated then I had better hope that we like being treated the same. Otherwise, it’s not going to work. That’s a pretty big assumption to make.

Do You Like How You Treat Yourself?

Furthermore, do you like how you treat yourself? Are you treating yourself like you want to be treated? I highly doubt it. For instance, do you beat others up mentally like you do to yourself? Do you find insecurities in others like you do to yourself? Do you find out others fears and use it to hold them back like you do to yourself? Are you really treating them how you treat yourself?

Do you like how others treat you? Do you think they’re always stepping on you to further their own agendas? Do you think they’re petty and jealous when they wrong you? Do you think they’re playing politics at work for their own gain? Are they really treating you how they want to be treated?

You can see how ridiculous this is getting, right.

I say it’s time to get rid of the Golden Rule.

The Platinum Rule

If we get rid of the Golden Rule, then what should replace it? If you’re not already familiar with it then allow me to introduce you to the Platinum Rule.

If you haven’t already heard of it, the Platinum Rule, as developed by Dr. Tony Allessandra states that you “treat people the way they want to be treated.”

To make it sound all parable-like, you would “do unto others as they would have you do unto them.”

According to Dr. Allesandra, when the Platinum Rule is applied, “the focus of relationships shifts from “this is what I want, so I’ll give everyone the same thing” to “let me first understand what they want and then I’ll give it to them.”

If I’m a manager and I apply the Platinum Rule, I can be blunt when needed, I can use tact when needed, I can push when needed, I can back off when needed, I can criticize when needed, and I can praise when needed. These tactics are sometimes necessary for managers to use, but they don’t work on everyone. That’s why the Platinum Rule is important.

It might take a little more work to use the Platinum Rule as opposed to the Golden Rule. You’ll probably have to find out what makes someone tick, what motivates them, what excites them, etc. However, I don’t see how that is a bad thing.

The Golden Rule is about treating people the same, regardless of who they are. The Platinum Rule is about treating people as individuals, FOR who they are.

Too many times we think that to treat people “fairly” then we have to treat them the same. That’s not the case and it’s never been the case. It’s especially not the case if we are indeed transitioning to a #NewEconomy.

You may have seen this meme or some variation of it online.

No you don’t. Sure, you might greet them with the same “good morning”, but you don’t have the same respect for the janitor that you do the CEO. Hardly anyone does.

Let me ask you this. Do you get nervous when you talk to the janitor? Are you worried about what you’re going to say, what you’re going to sound like, or how you’re going to look when you talk to the janitor? Do you stand taller and straighten your back when the janitor walks by? Do you make it look like you are buried deep in your work if the janitor strolls by your desk? Of course not.

I bet you do when the CEO walks by though. Why? Because the CEO can fire you. The CEO can promote you or give you a raise. The CEO can make your life a living hell at work or they can make it as pleasant a place to work as possible.

The janitor can’t fire you or give you a raise. He or she can give you a strong recommendation or provide a negative review but he or she by themselves cannot promote or fire you. There’s an unconscious power struggle going on in your mind between the CEO and the janitor.

It’s almost impossible to treat the janitor the same as the CEO. It’s also almost impossible to treat the CEO the same as yourself. You shouldn’t even try.

What you should be doing is learning more about who the CEO, the janitor, yourself and everyone else are as individuals, as people. That will determine how you treat them. If you are in a position of “authority” at your company, this is vitally important. It can affect the turnover rate of the people who work for you.

Why Do People Quit their Jobs?

In the book “First, Break All the Rules: What the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently” authors Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman, backed by over 25 years of research, stated that it is “her (employee) relationship with her immediate manager that will determine how long she stays and how productive she is while she is there.”

This is more so than money, more so than benefits, more so than lack of promotions, more so than any other reason. Your relationship with your direct manager will affect how long you stay and how productive you are while you are at your job.

If you’re a company and struggling with turnover, look at the managers. If you’re a company and your employees are engaged and thriving, look at the managers.

I’ll bet that the ones who are struggling are following the Golden Rule and the ones who are succeeding are applying the Platinum Rule, regardless of whether they know they are doing it.

Let’s start treating each other how they want to be treated and see if that makes a difference. Because how we treat each other is what makes ALL the difference.

If you want to read more about my ideas about how companies should treat their employees, please join my newsletter at www.brandongrooms.com and join a growing community of people who are looking for more than just a paycheck from work.