Typing to Make and Break Habits

For the past couple of days, I have been seriously unproductive. Actually, it’s been more like the entire time since December 9th, the day I finished up my final exams, that I’ve been seriously unproductive, but yesterday was particularly noteworthy.

Instead of getting out of bed at the usual 9:30-ish, I managed to stay under the covers with my girlfriend until about noon. We alternated our time between napping, watching AGDQ2015 speed runs, and eating Swedish Fish. It was nice for my girlfriend since she’d worked until midnight the night before, but for me it just felt demotivating. After our ~20 minute break for lunch, we quickly retreated to the safety of the bed and spent the rest of the evening watching arbitrary YouTube videos off of the recommended section. This went on until we were too tired to press on at about 2:30 am today.

Yesterday was rough. I’m not exactly shaming my girlfriend and myself for the way we spent our time, but I am starting to get frustrated with my lack of a healthy, consistent daily routine. My routine this entire break has been to stay up late, sleep late, and spend money on unnecessary takeout and other useless shit e.g. There was no routine. Although I had early optimism about how I would improve my programming skills or prepare my resume for interviews over break, I quickly lost motivation and instead tried to brush it off and enjoy my time. After all, this semester had been a nightmare and I felt like some time relaxing could bring me some clarity.

There are now 7 days left before classes resume for my final semester and I do not have the clarity I’d hoped to have gained by taking it easy over break. If anything, I feel worse than before, losing interest in programming and designing and having no clue what I would like to invest my time into. I have no deep interests and no drive to motivate additional interests. I am concerned for my career options and feel that my time at university has been misused. What the fuck—this is quite a miserable paragraph!

So, now I’m writing because I have a friend who journals and says it helps him understand himself. Also, I’ve read that writing is good to get the brain working and mine could use some serious help with that! A few topics came to mind as I wrote this, so I assume my next few pieces will be analyses about how I got to where I am now sprinkled with some hopefully more uplifting pieces about goals or self-improvement. We shall see!