Why choosing to be celibate is the best decision I’ve ever made.
Yes you read the title correctly.
If you know me, you’re probably thinking, “Brandon WTF?” If you’re my mother and you’re reading this, please no angry text messages. #sorrymom
Now that everyone has had a minute to process the title, let me take you back to January. Ahh, yes, January; when it was time for yet another New Year’s resolution. I, like millions of others, chose the number one most popular resolution in America: to get in shape and get back into the gym. At $10 a month a membership at my local Planet Fitness was pocket change. No excuses, right? I dove headfirst into a diet and exercise plan cutting out dairy and most grain. That’s right I jumped onto the Paleo bandwagon. I’m not sorry okay!
Now, you maybe asking yourself what any of this has to do with being celibate, so let’s get to the point.
You see, that resolution was the one I shared with my friends and family. It was the one I would talk about with people and update on Instagram. However, there was a much more private decision that I had made at the start of this year. In January, I decided that I would no longer be sleeping with anyone. That’s right. No more one night stands. No more Tinder hookups. No more scratching an itch just to scratch it. This decision came after what can only be described as a “sexual bender”. If it’s not a thing, I certainly made it one.
Sexual Bender? Again, Brandon WTF?
You see, like almost all of us do after a long term relationship ends, I sought out the obligatory rebound. It’s nice, right? Someone new and unexplored, after the same terrain day after day. Well, I didn’t know it at the time, but that rebound would end up turning into meaningless connection after meaningless connection. As men in this modern, Tinder driven era, we are taught that we’re supposed to go out there and get those notches on our belts. Sleep with as many women, or men *heyyy*, as we can. Because then you’re a real man. You’re desired. You’re sexy. People want you. Our culture accepts you.
So I was doing good, right?
Wrong!
As the notches grew in number, so did an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I was surrounded by people. People, people people, everywhere all the time and there I sat the loneliest I’d ever been. Distracting myself with going out, getting drinks, and looking for someone to pacify my loneliness.
Something had to change.
After a lot — and I mean A LOT — of self reflection, I realized that the time and energy I was spending to pacify my loneliness, was only helping to perpetuate it. I’d lost sight of what was important to me. You see, while everyone was running around chasing the sexiest girl or the guy with the most money, I was sacrificing a part of my moral fiber. My parents did not raise this person. Who was I? I didn’t see what was actually beautiful anymore. Like the way she bites on her bottom lip when she’s concentrating, or how the center of his eyes are so blue they, are almost white. Or how they will watch you see how many grapes you can fit in your mouth, and participate.
What it comes down to is this: I realized, I would rather be alone, than not be able to see the beauty in who I’m with, and I think I’m better for it. Yes, some days I look around and its like the scene where the Coyote sees the Road Runner as T-bone steak. This choice is not an easy one, but there is something to be learned from it. I encourage you to take at least some of its ideology. See the beauty in the little things. Don’t just give yourself out to anyone who will have you. In a sea of people pacifying their own personal struggles, be who you are, say something unexpected.
You deserve more!
I know I do.