An Undervalued Lifestyle
Sometimes, the one you need is you.

About a year or so ago, I wrote a page in my journal titled “The Perks of Solace”. I couldn’t remember what I wrote because it was my feeble attempt to find comfort in being alone. Most of what I proposed as a perk didn’t seem all that advantageous. If anything, I didn’t want those things at all. Sometime after writing that, I ended up in a relationship and, well, that was a bit worse.
Instead of laughs, smiles, and unquestioned affection, relationships ended up showing deep insecurities, tears, and a whole lot of grueling. Well, I didn’t sign up for that and, I mean, who would want to?
Okay, yes, eventually, I am going to be ready for it all. The smiles and the tears with the affection and frustration of love will happen to me and, one day, I will be ready for it.
But, why, in all of my young years, would I want to do such a thing right now? I mean I am but 22! A little over a year ago, I couldn’t even be trusted by the US government to drink alcohol. How in the world could I be ready to build a life in tandem with someone else?
With that being said, here is my question: why the rush? Why settle down with someone and start planning your future before 25? And why the societal pressure for me to follow suite?
I don’t plan to answer these questions directly. I have no idea why things are the way they are, but I can answer in part by extolling the advantages of an oft-overlooked lifestyle, that of the willingly-single ventigenarian*
Enjoying simple pleasures, uninterrupted. It is the little adventures that add up to one happy life. For someone like me, there is nothing sweeter than knowing that there is one room, just for me, when I return from work. Later that night, I will get to writhe around in that bed as the sole owner and user, unencumbered by the body of a partner. In the morning, I will get the pleasure of waking up at the time I want, exercise when I want, and then belt out my favorite songs in the car without anyone casting a side-eye from the passenger seat. While being able to do these things without judgement is incomparable to the joy of spending a lifetime with your best-friend, I would say that before thirty, these activities are certainly more rewarding.
The only permission you require is your own. Relationships are all about compromise. If you are single, you just have to compromise with yourself! You want to take a last-minute trip to see an old friend? You can do that. You want to spend the day binge-watching a show? J.D. and Turk won’t judge you. When you are single, all you have to do is will what you would like to do and then find a way to do it. No deals, compromises, reneges, disappointments, or frustration. Just go and do to see if you enjoy it and then report back to yourself and some friends.
Expression without commentary. When someone is seriously considering spending a lifetime with you, there is a bit of fear. One lifetime is all the time you have. To spend a majority of your remaining days with one other person is a large decision and should not be taken lightly. Thus, it is only natural that your partner will begin to question, judge, and maybe even change the way you do things. But, if you are single, you can do exactly what you are comfortable doing without the prying eyes of a life-partner candidate. While there are many people that are ready to become a better person in their twenties, there are many others that would like to discover some of their better selves in solace, making all the mistakes they want to make and learning their lessons without assistance. If this is how you feel, dragging a serious relationship in tow could end up in greater disaster.
Now, none of this is to say that being single in your twenties is better. A couple of my best friends are either in committed relationships or getting married by the end of this year. All I am saying is that being single in this stage of life should have greater value and appeal than it has been given. For all of our advancements in society and science, we still have trouble understanding why someone would choose to remain single. Our societal mind immediately begins to paint the unmarried and unclaimed individuals as commitment-adverse and undesirable. Well, I, as an unclaimed ventigenarian, I would like to tell you exactly why I choose to remain single. It is not a fear of commitment that keeps me solitary, but an awareness that such a commitment right now would be unwise. I do not feel lonely. In fact, I have often felt lonelier in relationships than I have outside of them. When it all comes down to it, I am just a young man that has not fallen in love yet… a young man that loves to have a big bed all to himself… a young man that wants to belt NYSYNC lyrics, usually out of sync and out of tune. I am just a guy that knows that timing is everything and this time is the wrong time for him to be dating anyone. If he did, he would be rushing what he is not ready for and taking away that which he would desperately miss.
*Ventigenarian is a word I found on the internet meaning “someone in their 20's” so do not go off thinking I am a more bizarre creature than I already am.
If you thought this was a nice little article that, at times, you felt you agreed with, go ahead and hit that green heart and recommend it. If you thought it was just more Millennial-generation garbage, you are welcome to go on and deride it. Frankly, I have grown used to the criticism.
