Everyone can hear your car speakerphone.

I had just dropped my eldest daughter off at her workplace in the late afternoon. Exiting the mall parking lot, I pulled up to the limit line and waited for the light to turn green. There was already a young woman waiting in the left turn lane immediately to my left.

The young woman was speaking to someone on her car speakerphone, my window was all the way down, and my elbow was resting on the sill. Like most others I have noticed, she was blissfully unaware of how loud and crystal clear her speakerphone conversation resonated outside of her car. Pretty quickly I surmised the person on the other end was her boyfriend and he was missing her quite passionately. He was telling her how horny he was and describing a well thought out fantasy in explicit detail. In my peripheral vision I could see her giggling and speaking softly. She was obviously enjoying his attention as she furtively looked around for clues that others could not overhear his voice.

I was wondering if I should go to Safeway on the way home as I sat there. I was planning to make soup for dinner and I needed a chicken, carrots, celery, and some matzo meal. I thought to myself, why don’t I grab my cell phone and begin filming this? Unfortunately, I had already missed the setup so it seemed pointless to try. Instead, I left my phone undisturbed and continued to feign ignorance as long as humanly possible.

When the opposing traffic light turned yellow, I began to turn my head slowly. I got my head turned about half of the way in her direction when she sensed my movement and jerked her head towards me. There she was staring at me wearing a fantastically mortified expression. I gazed back at her with a raised eyebrow peeking over the frame of my sunglasses. Her man was still attempting to woo his lady with carphone sex when I saw her mouth move in slow motion accompanied by a muffled, “Oh My God!!!”

It was at this point I lost my composure and began laughing uncontrollably. At that moment, the left turn light turned green. She hit the gas and sped through her turn. I laughed just a little bit louder than one normally​ would. Ok it was a lot louder than normal…for her benefit. One has to make sure there isn’t any misunderstanding at the conclusion of an interaction such as that.

I continued to laugh all the way home. God how I wish I could hear the version of that story she must have told her boyfriend and her closest friends. I’ve certainly gotten some great mileage out of it lately. I also wondered if, once the embarrassment subsided, she was kind enough to assist him in bringing the conversation to a happy ending.

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