Men! You will die the way women want you to

Brant Huddleston
Aug 27, 2017 · 3 min read

Menever hear of a death midwife? Probably not — it’s a new thing — but by the time you die, chances are one will be by your side, coaching you and your loved ones through the process. Death midwives are to death what regular midwives are to birth — highly skilled but non-medical professionals who provide an abundance of experience at a fraction of the cost of a physician.

In fact, the death midwife movement is modeled on the 20th century success of birth midwives who, against the entrenched views of a male dominated medical bureaucracy, transformed the birthing experience from a clinical one that primarily accommodated the doctor, to a far better one that primarily accommodates the birthing mother and her child. It’s a good thing. Death midwifery holds the same promise, and I think it’s a wonderful idea, except for this one problem, which is bound up in the word “wife.”

You see, death is undergoing somewhat of a revolution. Led by forward thinking people, the revolution believes it is healthy and good for folks to accept death as a natural part of life, and that fear of death or worse, a denial of it, is not only unhealthy for you, it also costs trillions of dollars in unnecessary medical expenses and gobs of fruitless anxiety and suffering. I share that view. That’s why I joined the revolution a few years ago by creating and hosting my podcast and blog on death.

Since becoming embedded in the movement, I’ve read books, watched films, attended lectures, and spent more time with death than most. I’ve attended the annual Afterlife Awareness conference three years in a row, twice as Master of Ceremonies. I have met many brilliant and wise people, some of whom have been on my show. From where I sit, however, I notice the “death positivity” movement, as it is sometimes called, is dominated by women. There are men involved, but we are clearly in the minority.

Honestly, I don’t think there would even be a death positivity movement if it weren’t for women. They seem to possess the beautiful blend of heart and brain and motivation that makes them exceedingly well qualified to be the leaders of the movement. But what if it stays that way? What if men stay on the sidelines, letting women have the dominant say in how the movement takes shape? I can tell you what will happen. We will get programs and policies that are just as unbalanced and unhealthy as the ones we have now courtesy of the mainstream death services industry, where men dominate (and have) for 100 years.

Men — Is that what you want? Death is the ultimate voyage, more adventurous and scary and uncertain and than a solo mission to Mars. One day you will blast off into the unknown. As you do, and in those final hours of the countdown, do you want most of your crew to be women whose training and orientation is based on birthing, an experience you never had and that is completely alien to you? Is it possible that you think about and experience death differently than women do, and that you will want other men present as your flight coaches and crew?

If yes, then get involved. Start thinking now about your death, and make your voice heard. Because who knows? Your countdown may have already started.

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Brant Huddleston is the author of two books, the suspense/thriller “Map of Dreams” (published under the pseudonym Paul Coruso) and a business book on how to use mobile technology for independent travel. He is the host of Dance Past Sunset, a resource for boomers seeking peak life experiences, and the tools, tips and technologies that help them along the way. He lives in Washington, DC close to his daughters, grandchildren, and electric guitars.

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Disputatious Scrivener | Mad Inventor | Social Provocateur | Paranoid Futurist | Death Podcaster | Romantic

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