On Kindness, Castles and Ostriches

How often does our life look like a busy highway with strangers passing by, in and out, in and out, in and out…

Mine looks like that for almost 2 years already. And one of the most obvious things that I’ve realized through that time was that I want (maybe “need”, in the most mild sense of this word) someone kind.

I can imagine how that someone won’t ask me whether I’m already in the city only not to contact me through out the day later knowing that I actually already am.

That Someone won’t ever call me though have asked for my number already only to cancel the call as soon as I picked up. That’s it. One shot. No call backs.

That Someone after the week of “Goodnight)”-texts, staying with me in the same corporate building, same room for a party, same place for the lunch won’t keep texting me and never start an actual chat/talk/conversation with me face to face.

That Someone won’t use me only as some sort of their traveler’s diary to pinpoint where they are today, where they will be tomorrow and that one day they will pay a visit just to completely forget about it while keep traveling to a new place every other weekend.

That Someone won’t skip on the fact that I’ve actually called myself their traveler’s diary during the conversation just to move on with another thing.

That Someone won’t just through on me every other fact about their lives, claiming that will tell more about it later to never ever actually continue that conversation. Still no call

That Someone won’t try to flirt, make up nicknames or add songs to my playlist only to claim the independence manifesto (of which will forget about later as well). Like I don’t know, just thought that all that I-don’t-need-anyone would sound cool

That Someone won’t ask me whether I’m disappointed for not getting that promotion today, not asking once how were my preparations going, knowing almost too well the whole situation but simply rather not to.

Someone who won’t generally check on me mostly after 12 AM not caring enough to find the time in the light of their day to talk to me or just to find out how did that thing that we were talking about earlier go or in general how. Am. I. ?

That Someone won’t think that stepping into my life with all of the above is enough already and there’s no need to bring something with them:

  • some genuine trust by keeping their word so I can trust too
  • some genuine interest by sharing their life openly so I can share mine
  • some genuine freedom by being not just an Instagram-like person (successful picture perfect) so I can feel that I can be myself too

We tend to look for someone who will break into our tower, set us free, and become that resting home place where we can take a deep breath, find our support, finally rely on that person to finally bring every single one of our dreams to reality so BOTH of us could enjoy OUR success.

And obviously that’s what that someone would love to agree on. I mean, after all of this done, they will receive their greatest gift of all times— US — loving, caring and most importantly overall kind towards them and their feelings human being.

We build such towers ourselves (mostly ourselves) from our unawareness of our emotional reactions on failures (“They didn’t take me for this position, they won’t take me for this one either”), self-esteem (“If that person couldn’t handle me, why would I think this one can? And why did I use the word “handle” anyway?”) or loneliness (“I wish I could speak up”) and expect everyone else to challenge these walls, break through them to prove they actually want to be around us.

But the tricky thing is that every other person comes with their own walls. And most of the time they were built for the very same reasons ours were. And those people don’t want to bring them down as much as we do. And they stay inside the safety of their towers as do we.

With all of that being said, I remind both you and myself to invest in relationships with other people as much energy and determination as those other people do. We all sit behind our walls but if you see that other person bringing theirs down brick by brick — it’s time for you to take your turn and do the same if you actually expect this relationship not just to stay in your life but prosper.

So can I say that I’ve made my tower higher after such treatment? Yes.

Am I gonna bring it down at least a teeny-tiny-little-bit? Pretty sure not.

For right now, with everything mentioned above, it seems there’s no point to even bring up this discussion. It, now being written down, almost screams: “I. Don’t. Give. A. F**k. About. You!” even louder than it would in my mind.

Probably not the best reaction. Ignoring social media and anything that involves texts altogether…Like I’m so gonna act right with that next person but…