How to “do” Vietnam

There are things I know, things I know I don’t know, and things I don’t know that I don’t know, and below are some perceptions of the first two — at least in regards to Vietnam.

I’ve ridden planes, trains, automobiles and motorbikes across, through, and over Vietnam for three months now. I’ve learned to sort coffee, navigate Vietnamese traffic, and eat pho noodle soup all with one hand. I know the ins and outs of a 4 stroke 110cc engine. I don’t know how to weld even though it seems to be the solution to every mechanical problem. I’ve felt the joys of downshifting on beautiful mountain roads on an unbranded Honda Win and I know the frustration of climbing that same road on that same bike. I know how to order food in Vietnamese and to tell them it was delicious, but cost too much all in the same sentence. I know how to say thank you and fuck you and Ive gotten pretty good at determining which situations call for which phrases. But it is impossible to say you have mastered any country in which you are a visitor. Below is a few tips from my perspective, and most importantly don’t ever say you “did” a country.

People

Vietnamese people don’t give a fuck, but they are genuine, incredibly hospitable, and incredibly kind. They will tell you exactly what they think using words, hand gestures, or body language and you will likely understand. There are some rules that you should follow, but most are just suggestions. For example, being modest in your public displays of affection is a rule you should follow, but a fence or the police telling you to pull over are suggestions. Money is fluid and it comes and it goes so do not think that everybody is trying to rip you off and or that they will not walk away from you if it is a bad deal, because they will. Foreigners are treated nicely, largely because we have money and are novel, but the Vietnamese are n As a foreigner you will likely be charged more for some things, but you are also more likely to stubbornly negotiate than a Vietnamese person. Sometimes you can get a better price as a foreigner because you are ready to negotiate and hardened to the notion of their being a set price. There are people who will rip you off just as the Western world has polite white men in nice suits with big toothy smiles who will happily “manage” your finances and fuck you out of thousands of dollars. The stakes here are lower. A bowl of pho, bun, banh canh, or any other noodle should cost anywhere between 15k-30k depending on the place, type, and mood of the person serving it. You will occasionally be charged 40k, 50k, or even up to 80k and at this point it is up to you how to respond. The going rule for negotiating is do so before you eat, rent, or ride because after the service is rendered the deal is done. If you are a foreigner and obstinate you can fight after the deal; I recommend not doing so because it will leave both you and the space feeling raw, cheated, and hurt. The truth is the people are so kind. And they often need the money more than you do. Many foreigners are embarrassed to interact because they don’t speak Vietnamese. Don’t be afraid. Fewer people speak English than travelers expect, but enough do and will happily help if you’re struggling. Don’t be afraid to politely ask the people around you if any if them speak English.

It is polite for you, as a foreigner, to try and speak Vietnamese. It is hard, but it is well worth it. As a tonal language, Vietnamese has five tones plus a non-tone that can be applied to almost any word. The tone changes the word completely thus: bạn, bàn, bán means friend, table, and sell. You must hear the language to learn it, so listen carefully. You will definitely mispronounce words in front of people and they may laugh or will simply not understand you at all. Try anyway, it is kind, and it is connecting when you make yourself vulnerable. Numbers are important to know and easy to learn. 11–100 are also intuitive because they just apply appropriate multipliers, e.g. 23 is 2, 10, 3 or hai mười ba. Once you get good, people often omit the mười in numbers beyond 20 with non-zero digits.

Some phrases for you to learn:

• Hello: xin chào
• How much: cái này giá bao nhiêu
• Thank you: cảm ơn
• 1–10: một, hai, ba, bốn, năm, sáu, bảy, tám, chín, mười
• 11, 22, 36, 58: mười một, hai mười hai, ba mười sáu, năm mười tám.

Places

Vietnam is big, like really big, and it takes a while to get around. Planes are easy and cheap, but I am very cheap so I mostly used buses and motorbikes mostly. If you do use planes Vietjet and Jetstar are pretty good budget airlines for within Vietnam. So long as you plan to pay for your checked luggage and anticipate some strange charges like “administrative tax, service fee, administrative fee” and others then you are fine. Tickets will range from 300,000vnd ($15 usd) to 2,000,000vnd (around $100usd). If time is not an issue then traveling over land is a better way to see the country and far more affordable. The train is a bit expensive, often packed, and not that exciting. Buses are very cheap, comfortable, and most are “sleeper buses” that let you — if you’re a 5"5 Vietnamese person- recline comfortably. There is definitely a risk, as with all travel in Vietnam, but once you’ve made the decision to ride either calm down or get off. The risk is far more directed at those outside the bus and on motorbikes. Motorbikes are cheap, fun, and the best way to see the countryside of Vietnam. From the back of a motorbike you get a real taste for Vietnamese travel. They are also dangerous, stressful, and not as cheap as most backpackers boast. Like scuba diving, you must be present and absent at the same time. Present so you are alert and prepared for anything ANYTHING, but absent because otherwise you would be too scared and hesitant and hesitation doesn’t mix well with Vietnamese streets.

A few quick tips:

1. The price of a bike really reflects what the previous owner paid, not the quality.
2. They will have some problems, fix them!
3. The longer you own the bike the better attuned to it and its needs you will be.
4. A new paint job is not a new engine.
5. Listen for engine problems. A good engine far outweighs the pain of a broken light, ripped clutch, or leaky oil. LISTEN FOR THE ENGINE.

Accommodations

Accommodations are everywhere and range from the very cheap to the very luxurious. In almost any town you can find ‘Nha Nghi’ or a Vietnamese guest house. And, if you are riding a motorbike through the country, you will likely have to stay in one at one point or another. Have no fear. They are great. They are clean, relatively cheap, and have everything you need to rest up and keep moving. A single room ranges anywhere from 120,000 — millions. For those of us accustomed to using apps hostelworld, airbnb, and booking.com are all very effective. The best of the three for the budget traveler is actually booking.com.

Oh the places you’ll go…hopefully

• HCMC: As the center of capital, commercialism, and commerce, HCMC is busy and filled to the brim with people. Good food for cheap, lots of cheap thrills, a good place for going anywhere else. If you are there briefly stay in district 1, if you are intending to stay longer than 4–5 days then get out of district 1. There is much to see in and around. Spend time by the river and visit many museums. Bui Vien is fun for one evening, but branch out.
• Can Tho: A bustling city by Mekong Delta standards. Very inexpensive fruits and vegetables and generally friendly people outside of the main port where they are focused on getting you to accept rides from them.
• Vinh Long: Absolutely charming small town set on the Mekong River. Genuine people, delicious and cheap produce and a jumping off point for visiting people’s fruit farms. You can pay to pick and eat as much as you want.
• Phu Quoc: The best island beach settings that Vietnam has to offer. This island sits off the Southwestern tip of Vietnam very close to Cambodia. In a few years it will be overrun with resorts, but at the moment construction is just beginning. Now is still nice to visit. Prices are a bit higher than Mainland Vietnam, but you have fresh seafood, national parks, and pristine beaches.
• Mui Ne: Known for its sand dunes, and miles of unspoiled beaches this is an excellent place to sit on the beach. As a foreigner this is an ideal place to chill at a Western-style hostel for 3–4 days and just ‘beach’ (the verb). The town itself is unimpressive and is notorious for pulling over foreigners on motorbikes. DON’T RIDE A MOTORBIKE HERE.
• Nha Trang: Imagine Miami meets Moscow and they have a baby that is raised in Vietnam. This particular baby looks like Miami, sounds like Moscow, but is definitely Vietnamese in mannerism and heart and soul. Many people say they don’t like Nha Trang, but that is often the case if you stay in the overly chaotic and heavily Russian center. I recommend you stay in or North of the Cai River. Nearby, Ba ho waterfall was beautiful and Thap ba mud baths were fun. The city is nice, sunrises beautiful, and some of the best and cheapest seafood I had in Vietnam.
• Da Lat: Disclaimer: I love Da Lat and I stayed here for a long time. Da Lat feels distinctly not Vietnamese. It is relatively quiet, there is space to roam, the architecture looks European, and the entire city hugs a serene lake at its center. Da Lat is a mountain town and the center of Arabica coffee in Vietnam. Vietnam is the number two producer of coffee in the world, with the majority being Robusto, but Da Lat is the golden child of Vietnamese Arabica. On the outskirts of the town are a collection of beautiful waterfalls, mountain slopes covered in coffee plants, and flower-covered hills. Da Lat is where many of the flowers sold all over Vietnam are grown. Brew and Breakfast coffee shop and hostel is a Vegan paradise and you should go if you are tired of ca phe sua da and crave a quality European style coffee or a delicious western style Vegan meal.
• Quy Nhon: One of my favorite places in Vietnam, in part, because it remains undiscovered by hordes of backpackers. This coastal town has it all and has not been decimated by resort construction or poorly runhostels. Surrounded by mountains to the South, an unspoiled island coast to the North, and the central highlands to the West Quy Nhon is full of happy and content Vietnamese and thus does not feel like touristy Vietnam. The food is cheap and the people are friendly. Definitely ride the three wheeled electric carts in the central square. Contrary to appearence and popular opinion they are not just for kids.
• Quang Ngai: A cute town located few kilometers from the coast about a quarter way up the central coast. It has delicious seafood, friendly people, and Sandy’s homestay. I recommend the Banh Xeo if you stay with Sandy. It is an excellent place to stay as you make your way up the central coast by motorbike or if you wish to visit Ly Son Island.
• Hoi An:Probably the most touristic place in Vietnam, Hoi An is, in fact, very cute and beautiful. The city dons a well-preserved ancient town set along several rivers and canals. The modern stores are housed in ancient storefronts. Many of the goods are relatively cheap, but can purchased fro less elsewherer. If you have limited time, din Vietnam, defintely stop by, but do not expect authentic Vietnam. Just outside o f Hoi there is an abundance of small islands set in different parts of the several rivers. It is really lovely to stay on one of these smaller islands and visit Hoi An at slower times of the day either before the throngs of tourists arrive or after the hundreds of buses carrying them depart.
• Da Nang: Often overlooked and only thirty minutes north of Hoi An, I found Da Nang to be the most livable and comfortable city in Vietnam. Situated on the coast and split down the middle by a beautiful river, the “city of bridges” is close to beautiful nature and has all of the amenities of a modern big city. The standard of living is realtively high and thus the food is cheap and the prices for everything are fair. The climate was spectacular and you are a short ride away from so much beauty including the Hai Van Pass, Son Trang peninsula, and several national parks.
• Hue: As the ancient capital of Vietnam, the entire city centers around the walled ancient city. While the city was neat, I was not impressed with the city. The prices were a bit expensive and the people very much treated me like one of a million tourists (which I Am, but prefer to feel more special.
• Phong Nha: The town itself is cute , small, and caters primarily to tourists, but this is the place to stay when visiting some of the most spectacular caves I’ve ever sen. This is the closest town to Phong Nha Ke Bang National park which contains several (over 300) amazing caves. From town you can take any number of tours through the national park or into several of the caves. Many of the most amazing caves require booking a tour with Oxalis, which I highly recommend. They are the most professional tour operators in the area and have exclusive rights to several caves including the largest cave in the world, Soon Dong Cave.
• Ninh Binh: This touristy town is the jumping off point for “Ha Long of the alnd” and offer boat tours of magnificent limestone mountains that seem to rise straight out of the river. You can take the tour from Tam Coc or Trang An and though they are different tours they seem similar in most respects. The city itself did not seem special, but I did not spend too much time there. I would recommend a visit a it is only a few hours from Hanoi.
• Ha noi: Ha Noi is definitely a pricier than much of Vietnam, but the quality is excellent. I thoruoghly enjoyed my time in Hanoi. The old quarter, built around Hoan Kiem lake, is the central hub for backpackers but the whole city is full of beautiful lakes and delicious foods. I recommend visiting Westlake area and several of the lakes around the city. It may seem difficult to get around and traffic is horrendous, but Uber operates smoothly. Definitely take ubermotos around if you want a cheap thrill and to save a ton of money.
• Ha Giang: One of the most beautiful spaces in vietnam, The Ha Giang loop is a 300km loop that starts just north of Ha Giang and touches the Chinese border. While While riding along narrow mountain roads you take in amazing vistas of marble mountains that seem to rise thousands of meters straight up. It is absolutely spectacular. It is best viewed from a motorbike so be prepared to drive your own or hire a driver.
• Cat Ba: Cat Ba is the largest island in Ha long bay and home o Cat ba city, a sound alternative to starting your Ha Long Bay our in Ha Long. I’ve heard Ha Long is big, bustling, and not that fun, but the bay itself is magnificent. Definitely do not miss it. The tour you purchase pretty much anywhere in Cat Ba City is touristic, but well wroth it. There is very little chance to see much of the bay without using one of the many tours.

Things

Vietnam is one of a kind in that you can come without a plan because as a foreigner everything is exceptionally cheap. Maslow would support travel in Vietnam because all of the essentials are accessible and cheap; food, shelter, and modern necessities are always accessible and cheap. Unlike the Philippines you can choose a destination one day in advance and arrive there cheaply and, more than likely, safely. Get a sim card. They are cheap, easy to refill, and provide fast network service basically everywhere. Use it to find accommodations, navigate cities, and even translate for everyday conversations. Note: Google translate sucks for Vietnamese because it is such a fluid language and there is not one way to say any one thing. Plans are typically very cheap, I currently have 2.8 Gbs/month and I pay 70,000k and 30,000k for talking and texting. Thus for $5 a month I have all of my technological needs met. For those of you who like to insta @ every moment, get an unlimited plan for somewhere around $10. The main companies are Mobifone, Vinafone, and Viettel. I have mobifone, people tell me Viettel is the best, but I can’t speak with certainty; mine was great. Eat everything. The food is cheap and everywhere. There is little need to stock up on snacks or desperately search for grocery stores as food stalls are in plentiful supply. I ate everywhere and only got food poisoning once on Bui Vien street, the most street in HCMC. Vietnamese cuisine is cheap, made-quickly, and typically involves something being boiled so don’t worry. Vietnamese cuisine can seem overwhelming at first so check out my quick semi-thorough intro to Vietnamese cuisine.

Words to the wise

Some travelers treat countries like cheap thrill rides in an underwhelming theme park. Knowing they probably won’t return they say how they “did Laos,” or ask, “have you done Cambodia yet?” And you are left to either sheepishly correct in reply saying, “no I haven’t visited the rich and complex nation of Cambodia yet” or leave it to a simple no. These same travelers would never refer to their homes as so simple that they could be “done” in matter of days or weeks.

“I just did Vietnam. It was cool.”

It seems to be a matter of accessibility and because only so much of a place is accessible if you don’t look, speak, or act like the locals, short term travelers seem to think you can access it fully in a matter of days or weeks. Or in a darker sense they are just woefully underestimating the depth, richness, and complexity of the local peoples of the countries they visit. Vietnam like Germany, Australia, or the USA is chalk full of subtlety, variation, and complexity and should be treated with reverence, humility, and open-mindedness. It is very different than many western countries but equally complex.