Relational Intelligence & Design

Applying Lisa Fitzhugh’s Ideas on Relational Intelligence to Design

I recently received an email from an old friend, Lisa Fitzhugh, with a link to an article she had just penned on ‘Relational Intelligence’ for the publication Creative Ground. It is a powerful and poignant article and I’d strongly encourage you to read the entire article here.

Lisa makes the point that we have to “refine our relational intelligence, an intelligence held in the body as much as it’s held in the brain … to resolve the ever expanding scope of conflict, division and polarity that is consuming our institutions, our communities and our globe.”

As a practitioner and teacher of ‘human-centered-design’ I speak often about a need to embrace EMPATHY in both the process of design and the product of design. It struck me in reading Lisa’s article that to truly understand and share the feelings of another person you have to possess a high level of relational intelligence. If you have ever worked on a team in a collaborative design exercise or attempted to produce design that resonates with another, I think you can appreciate the power of relational intelligence.

I therefore, would like to offer Lisa’s list to the design community (or at least my small readership) as a list of principles to aspire to live by, as I firmly believe that if we can apply these ‘principles’ to our world and to our work we can start to truly design with the vision to improve our collective existence.

Principles of Relational Intelligence (Adapted from Lisa’s Original list)

· Listen for understanding, listen infused with curiosity, and listen as power.

· Don’t be afraid to be wrong, refrain from the need to be right, and allow your perspective to be broadened by others’ views and opinions.

· Express authentic gratitude and appreciation to the people around you, not just for what they do, but for who they are.

· Be willing to play with each other again, to return to a kind of innocence that generates trust, innovation and new ideas much more efficiently than linear problem-solving.

· Possess a much greater ability to tolerate ambiguity, you do not need to fix, contain and control, but allow problems to unfurl in their own timing and trust our collective ability to act when it’s ripe.

· Possess a heightened capacity for patience, first for yourself and then for others.

· Regularly practice self-reflection and incorporate this learning of yourself into your thoughts and actions to intentionally develop as a person.

· Notice the unspoken feelings or energies in a room, and be unafraid to make these “intangibles” visible, so they don’t undermine trust and connection.

· Be able to acknowledge our human needs and vulnerabilities and speak to others from that place vs. blaming or demanding unconsciously that the world meet these needs for them.

· Take responsibility for the mythologies of our fragile egos and relate without the ego defenses that distort connection and authenticity.

· And perhaps most importantly, create a safe space that allows everyone to disarm and put down their proverbial weapons. As Visaka Dharmadasa, a leader and peacemaker from Sri Lanka explained in an interview about peacemaking in her country, “we must make our enemy feel secure, for it’s only when they feel insecure that they lash out and cause harm.”

Thank you Lisa! I too hope this inspires and provokes.