Falling Awake

Breann Rose
Mar 17 · 2 min read

As I blink the sleep away, I find I’m leaving a reality I knew to be as real as the bed that’s now beneath me.

I’m entering a world of harsh surprises when my eyes open

the things I believed to be real are turning upside down, and the feeling is foreign but exasperating in its familiarity.

My eyes need saline, my mind needs another hour, another year.

I do this every day.

Half here, half there, I bask in what I begin to re-alize are just fantasies now as the seconds slide away before I am fully here. Or there.

It’s sweet and it’s sad and I’ll never know which to believe.

I squeeze my eyes shut before they can focus on my horizontal nightstand, willing my synapses to forever know the touch, the smells, and the sounds of whenever I was.

My mind resigns as I watch the dream worlds drift off, and suddenly they are so beautiful in their un-realness,

so much so that I can’t believe I was ever real at all.

As my mind slowly begins to adjust to the truth(?) that this, this (t)here is what’s real,

my stomach turns just a bit and my head spins once or twice before I slowly slide my legs

over the edge of my bed

and plant my feet fir(tentatively)mly on the ground.

Tonight I will lurch back into restless, tormented sleep, and I’ll miss every waking second of it when we must part

just like I do,

every

single

day.

Breann Rose

Written by

Neuro nerd, educator, planner, storyteller, Maya Rudolph doppelganger

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