I’m a feminist, so I get accused of hating men and not caring about their lives or feelings.
That is completely wrong, and the book, and your piece fit squarely into the branch of masculinity studies withing feminism. Women suffer more in patriarchy, but this illustrates that it’s no picnic for men, either.
I identify with masculinity struggles because I believe my dad was a sensitive, caring man. The stories my mother tells me support my theory.
But he had it beaten out of him, literally and figuratively. And I know that’s what made his relationship with me so difficult for him. I’m much like him in the aforementioned ways.
But I am female, so I had a bit more freedom than he to express it. (Not much, both he and my mother worked on me about it, too.)
I watched it with my exes, male friends, and co-workers. It breaks my heart.
I’m glad I never resented my boyfriends’ friendships with men. I figured if I needed my girls, they needed their boys.
My father developed a close relationship with the pastor of his church when he was battling cancer. I remember catching him crying with Pastor Dick’s arm around him. It’s a shame it took impending death for my dad to feel comfortable touching and being vulnerable with another man.
I get angry at other women who tell their significant others or sons to “man-up,” and “don’t cry.” I’ve heard women say they “hate it when a man cries.” Wow. Guys definitely need their boys to cry with when their girlfriends/wives say that. And maybe to break up with/divorce her.
A wife/girlfriend can’t be everything to a husband/boyfriend any more than he can be to her. The ridiculous idea that one person can fill every emotional need of another is dangerous, as this study shows.
I don’t want children, but I will risk the wrath of any mother I see down-play the intimacy of her sons and their friends.
This is life and death, people. It HAS to change.