how come I never break through to you?

Is it because I fumble my words?

Is it because they hold no weight?

No feeling, no honesty behind them?

Do you see right through me..

Can you see the secret..

I’ve carried inside me from the start?

I love you

But I do not..

Do you feel it?

Is that why you sometimes become distant?

So far to reach?

Do you feel it in your body?

Do you feel it in your core?

I know you,

Yet I do not.

How do you share so much time with someone and still inside feel like a stranger to him or her

How is it so that you can feel so lonely with company?

I love you,

But I lied if I told you I was in love with you.

My stomach becomes heavy

My eyes wet

Im so sorry

Have I wasted your time?

Have I wasted mine?

I kept telling myself I was falling

That love was something you fell into slowly

And safely

But I think we tried to make something that was never there.

We both wanted so badly to love and be loved

Simply by a good, decent human being..

Maybe we only loved the illusion of who we wanted each other to be

Did we ever look?

At who we were really were

And who we were really with..

And even though those

small break throughs

I believe we were so swept up in the illusion of comfort and and security

Maybe we wanted a love that would fill up our cup

But when we drank from the love we received

It was never enough

And our cups became empty once again

So empty

Even emptier then before

How odd a love

That was a love

But never really was..

How strange to love a man

You never knew

And to love a woman who was never meant for you.

My heart is heavy

My soul is sad

My eyes they water because they know

They know what is coming

And what was coming all along

It’s the only the ending of a song

A song that even though is sad

Brought so much healing

And I am glad

Even though I hold this sadness I am happy

Truly happy

That I met you.

You showed me things I never knew

And you helped me in so many ways

I will never be able to repay you.

Mum remembering now that

Even though I never broke through

I still really did love you

Maybe not in the ways we wanted

But it was a real love

And even though I never knew you like I wanted too

I came to know you in other ways too

And what a humble man you are

A man who through my love

I came to see deserves the best

And deserves someone that will be able to see him for who he really is

He deserves someone that makes him happy

Every dam day of his special life

Someone that makes him laugh his real laugh

Someone he is comfortable enough to just be with

In the ways where nothing is said

But you both know

You wouldn’t want to be anywhere else

Because with them it is enough

You deserve someone

Who can take home in your Waters

And swim and meet you in your depths

Because I know they are there

And they deserve to be seen

And shared

You are a good man

But a man I could never fill

And I’m sorry

But I know someone else will

My heart is heavy

There is so much more I could have said

But I am sorry

I’m sorry

I hope one day

Someone will make you the kind of happy

You truly deserve.


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