how come I never break through to you?
Is it because I fumble my words?
Is it because they hold no weight?
No feeling, no honesty behind them?
Do you see right through me..
Can you see the secret..
I’ve carried inside me from the start?
I love you
But I do not..
Do you feel it?
Is that why you sometimes become distant?
So far to reach?
Do you feel it in your body?
Do you feel it in your core?
I know you,
Yet I do not.
How do you share so much time with someone and still inside feel like a stranger to him or her
How is it so that you can feel so lonely with company?
I love you,
But I lied if I told you I was in love with you.
My stomach becomes heavy
My eyes wet
Im so sorry
Have I wasted your time?
Have I wasted mine?
I kept telling myself I was falling
That love was something you fell into slowly
But I think we tried to make something that was never there.
We both wanted so badly to love and be loved
Simply by a good, decent human being..
Maybe we only loved the illusion of who we wanted each other to be
Did we ever look?
At who we were really were
And who we were really with..
And even though those
small break throughs
I believe we were so swept up in the illusion of comfort and and security
Maybe we wanted a love that would fill up our cup
But when we drank from the love we received
It was never enough
And our cups became empty once again
Even emptier then before
How odd a love
That was a love
But never really was..
How strange to love a man
You never knew
And to love a woman who was never meant for you.
My heart is heavy
My soul is sad
My eyes they water because they know
They know what is coming
And what was coming all along
It’s the only the ending of a song
A song that even though is sad
Brought so much healing
And I am glad
Even though I hold this sadness I am happy
That I met you.
You showed me things I never knew
And you helped me in so many ways
I will never be able to repay you.
Mum remembering now that
Even though I never broke through
I still really did love you
Maybe not in the ways we wanted
But it was a real love
And even though I never knew you like I wanted too
I came to know you in other ways too
And what a humble man you are
A man who through my love
I came to see deserves the best
And deserves someone that will be able to see him for who he really is
He deserves someone that makes him happy
Every dam day of his special life
Someone that makes him laugh his real laugh
Someone he is comfortable enough to just be with
In the ways where nothing is said
But you both know
You wouldn’t want to be anywhere else
Because with them it is enough
You deserve someone
Who can take home in your Waters
And swim and meet you in your depths
Because I know they are there
And they deserve to be seen
You are a good man
But a man I could never fill
And I’m sorry
But I know someone else will
My heart is heavy
There is so much more I could have said
But I am sorry
I hope one day
Someone will make you the kind of happy
You truly deserve.