Apologies I owe to myself

I am so sorry for everything I have put you through. I am sorry for all of the times I had you up late at night, you sobbing into your pillow although I still don’t know why. For all the times you never felt good enough whether it be in terms of your friends, the ones you admire.. or the hopeless people you gave your all to expecting to be treated the same. I’m sorry for the days you made yourself so sick you couldn’t leave your bed and the times you felt so alone you could scream so loud and it would seem as if nobody could hear you. I am so, so sorry for the instances you just couldn’t understand life and why everyone kept walking away.. I know all you wanted was the pain and the confusion to subside. I am sorry for starving and beating up on you, because you are so beautiful and you are much stronger than I ever anticipated you turning out to be. I am sorry for not telling you that you should set your standards higher, that you could do so much better for I know at the time you didn’t think you were capable of asking for more. I’m sorry for lying and cheating because you know how it feels to be lied to and cheated on too. I’m sorry I ran from all of your problems instead of pushing through to the other side. I’m sorry you didn’t see how worthy you are of love and happiness sooner. I’m sorry you didn’t think you were. Finally, I am sorry for letting people walk all over you and not standing up for you. You deserve the world.

“If I have ever harmed anyone in any way either knowingly or unknowingly through my own confusions, I ask their forgiveness. If anyone has ever harmed me in any way either knowingly or unknowingly through their own confusions, I forgive them. And if their is a situation I am not yet ready to forgive, I forgive myself for that. For all the ways that I harm myself, negate, doubt, belittle myself, judge of be unkind to myself through my own confusions, I forgive myself.” — Siddhartha Gautama

Yours Truly,

Bren.