The broken sunset

It was one of those days that I have so many. Unwilling, unadventurous, uncertain, unhappy. Nothing made sense. Existing didn’t make sense. Once again, I didn’t want to be.

Happiness was out of the table as much as everything else. Laughing wasn’t an option. Smiling, no thanks. Sadness and anguish, holding hands with me, one to the left, one to the right.

But I was just out of the madhouse. Just recently freed to a world of opportunities, to that second ride I so passionately talked about for days. I had to try something. I had to, at least, make an effort.

And so I did. I jumped on my motorcycle and rode away passing beautiful fields, lakes, and parks. Since it was a Sunday, children were playing with their parents. Everyone was excited. It was, indeed, a beautiful day.

I, however, remained as gloomy as I was before that short aimless trip started. I couldn’t find happiness. Not on the fields, or the kids, their parents, even the collective joy of all the elements that made that day what it was.

In fact, as time went by, I could tell I was more miserable than before. It was like my mood was being crushed by the euphoria of the outside. I was ready to cry, once more, for the pain about to squash my heart.

It was then, when dusk was noticed, that I had the idea of watching the close of the day. What could be as perfect and beautiful as contemplating the sundown behind the horizon? I had to try it.

I knew the perfect spot for it, and it was close. I sped up my bike not to miss a second of the spectacle. In a few minutes, I was there, just in time for the main event. A perfect finale for a Sunday which wasn’t very kind to me but, now, had the opportunity to redeem itself and bring a little smile on my face.

There was no time to think. The sun was already a giant red sphere, so close to the mountains you could almost predict those would catch on fire. When they finally touched, heavens and earth, the sky turned the most beautiful hues of orange, yellow, and purple. Nothing could be more beautiful.

And yet, I wasn’t happy. The sunny extravaganza was unable to remove the darkness from my mind, the agony of my heart. Something wasn’t right about the scene in front of me. It was like the sunset was broken, defective, missing parts.

It was then that I noticed. Myself. Standing in front of Beauty. Holding a beloved white helmet on my right hand. And nothing on my left.

I was alone.