I can’t believe this is where I’m at. I can’t even play back the tape. There’s nothing to rewind.
I can easily see that something good will come out of me, this, today. I’m not happy with myself. Not happy with this.
I’m so serious about sobriety now. Doesn’t mean I’ve found that serenity.. it’s probably going to escape me for many months to come. Creating a hate space for someone you love is insane. Just more stupid.
Hate space is saying I don’t miss her when everything I am does.
I’m atleast smart enough to know that some of the things I said can’t be unsaid.
I will never allow myself to choose drugs again.
My angel network.. my broken ambition. My failed efforts to be beautiful.
I have a belief and I’m going to have to live in it. I will one day be rid of this ache. Embracing it…… sorrowful.
I caused this. I did. The blame game is over. I can feel something is coming. I pray shes safe. I pray that she’s stopped. I should have prayed all that before.
It’s uncomfortable to be me. Still I’m blessed to have all the good people helping and supporting me.