This morning I left some critical items at home. I was thinking about what I wanted to think about instead of going with the ebb and flow of things. I took my eyes off of the answer, plain and simple.
I’m pretty good at looking for something that simply isn’t there, deciding it is and celebrating my shitty little creation. I am really hoping to not smoke this morning and just embrace my inner grump. Grump..grump…. grump. ..Grump.
I want to be settled enough to say today, that it’s important to be prepared. I looked at the mountain of responsibility spilling itself out of my laptop, out of the clothes hampers, out of the very back of my mind, (where I’ve tucked just about everything from my dogs last vet visit to the sermon I heard the Sunday before the Monday I left Houston) and I know without a doubt I need something greater than me to get clean.
It’s time I cleaned house. Not just a little either. It’s not enough to say life gets in the way. Life is the way.
We have had a great many conversations, and I’m so thankful for Your Faith. You are so Faithful. I want to thank You, cause I know I’m not faithful Lord. I know I speak of faith, i speak well of how faith has changed my life, how You work in my life Lord, how I’ve witnessed You working in the lives of others. I speak of what it is to be faithful when You know I spend many moments it seems daily considering my faith, questioning my value. I am perfect in Your eyes, Your love is perfect and I trust that Lord. I do.
Thank You, please continue to search my heart, removing the qualities that lead to ruin. Please continue to protect my family, every one that is lost Lord, all that suffer without the knowledge of You, without the knowledge of the Grace You died to give us. Protect her Lord, please wash us clean. One thought from You and we are clean Lord. We are coming to You in boldness, Lord. Thank you.
There are times I’m just not prepared. Times that I speak before I’ve formed the complete thought. I’m not always prepared. I’m not. I’d like to think that if I give a little more effort, I’ll reach my goals, still the spirit filled moments I’m experiencing now, tell me it’s ok to just sit back in the embrace of faith, as I understand it, and allow God to do what I cannot do. He makes beautiful things, He can make something beautiful of me as well.