Good morning (free to celebrate)
It is. I think I’m starting to get this right. Ha! That’s the very thinking that keeps me slipping down that slippery slope, I’ve been diving down for years. Today is new however and I’m going to do a reflection.
I have few places of true quiet and comfort and that’s ok, I’m not seeking comfort. I’m being sharpened. It’s not painless but at times the fruits of the Spirit allow me peace, joy, love, it allows me kindness and faithfulness ( Gal.5:22–24).
I’m reminded of how little of those fruits I felt like I deserved. I’m remembering what my life was like before I turned my life and will over to a new way of thinking. I’m thankful for it. Thankful for the twisting of my heart, and the reversal of my feet.
I want to be clear I was living with a married woman, she was abandoned and a mother. I loved her and still do. I also was drinking and using, so I wasn’t a great help always. It’s easy to look at the situation and say I was but truly, I wasn’t half of what I should have been. Hurting anyone and owning it, can leave us feeling less than.
The truth is sometimes we make commitments that we’re simply not capable of following through with. Had I lived in the Spirit instead of the flesh, that story may have had a very different ending. Testimony like this isn’t easy but I know the redeeming quality of God’s Grace. I can witness to it. The important thing for anyone struggling with life and what it is to live it, is to know this isn’t the end of that story, God has something in store for you, something that far exceeds what you think you want, or need. The story of my life is written, and I’m only a coauthor. I can still screw it up if I don’t acknowledge this blessing.
I haven’t closed the door on my past because I must use those lessons and not lean on my knowledge but praise God for delivering me from that place. Restoration is real. I don’t know God’s heart or mind, I can’t tell you what’s next but I do know I can look back on my sin, and shortcomings from a very human, grateful position. We are made stronger by these trials.
Time management is a problem for me, but I am getting better. No, I’m not but I am getting more done. The schedule I set up in my mind isn’t as important or easily followed as the schedule written down, the schedule I need to live by. This speaks to my impulsiveness, my emotional reactions. I’m a fool for not seeking counsel. Wisdom is a priority and it’s only found through God and the counsel of others. Seeking it through experience can be a huge consequence. I’m going to try to do it differently.
You know my heart. You are standing in it. Thank You for your omnipresence there. I wanted to sit with You, I wanted to thank You. I think I don’t thank You for the gifts You give me. Sometimes You do it so quietly, so subtly, that I receive it and only later do I realize, that it was You walking those long passages with me. The peace Lord, the peace is amazing. I still cry out in times of despair. I miss them Lord, all of them.
You are Holy. You are infinite. You are the beginning, with that word, with that breath, You breathed. Millions of happenings appeared at that breath resulting with me and millions of other happenings resulting in us. I see now that I was made to walk in community. I was made for celebration and praise of Your name, to glorify Your name. So many have passed Lord, and we know not when You call. I am listening for Your call, for Your response. Thank you for the gift of hearing. I can hear Lord.
We gathered in prayer last night to ask for guidance, and I heard You say You reach them with Love. Please Lord keep my words and tongue gentle, empathetic and honest. Lord keep me honest. Lord watch over those that aren’t aware of Your watchfulness. You know my heart, and there is nothing more than to know You. Please continue to cover my family, and her family. Please continue to cleanse the hearts for those broken, those who’s minds have been broken, those that have fell into the embrace of spiritual failing and send me Lord, send me to pull at the strands of hurt and despair, loss and loneliness. You can trust me Lord, I will not touch Your things, not even to bring them to You. This is my hearts desire, to deliver treasure after treasure to you. Use me Lord
Lord, thank You. I know that it is done if it is Your Will. Thank You for my place on this Earth. Thank You.
In Jesus name I pray, humbled and washed I pray Amen.
This is the beginning not the end, it is the middle not the end. It is the end and that is a beginning. I pray blessing for all you in Christ and those bearing witness to these blessings. There are angels ministering to those to would seek Him(Heb 1:4 NIV). May your day be filled with the fruits of the Spirit.