I remember almost everything about meeting her. I remember how much she stood out how much I wanted to know her. Leave with her. I was 6+ months clean. I was doing everything I needed to.

I have a book of texts and sweet things she would say. I wish I had the strength to get rid of them. i don’t.

My sponsor knows I love her. I think he thinks it’s the saddest thing ever. He tells me to let it lie. He knows how I reach for her from the inside of me.

Letting go of anything has always been so easy. I know now that I’m.on a very slippery slope. I need to get this. I will die if I continue. I will die because I will choose it. This isn’t a fair analysis of the conquering lion I once was.

So it’s now or never. I have to give it everything. I have to play for keeps. So I have to take suggestions. I have to be disciplined. I must realize there isn’t anything more important than getting well. Getting healthy.

The sadness gets in the way. I can’t apologize, because it’s too little. Everything I do has to be in honor of the truth. I miss and love her. But she’s better off without my shit. So I better get rid of the shit.

I’m better off without my I better get rid of the shit.

God it is in Your hands…

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