February 10, 2015

Today the world lost an awesome human being, and we lost a friend.

Anneka was one of our own. She was part of our tribe. For eight years there was a crew of us, and we were all in the same orbit. Planets in a cosmos, making memories.

About five years ago that galaxy started to disperse. Today, only the slight gravity of memories keep us together as a whole. Some of us are still close; others of us have drifted apart. But there is nothing time or perceived distance can do to deny the fact that we are a tribe, we are one.

When I read the words on my screen today that Anneka was gone, I felt a blow in my heart and body. I cried, and then I stuffed it. Then it came back, and I felt it again. And now I sit here looking at pictures of her at shared events and it can’t be true. She can’t be gone.

People call people angels all the time, but if I was ever going to believe in angels, it would be with Anneka. Though to clarify, she is more of a fairy then an angel — but definitely a spirit flying around and shining her light.

She won my friend’s heart with Led Zeppelin and a welding helmet. That doesn’t have to make sense to you. It makes sense to me.

She got married in wellies, standing in mud; and it was like Mother Nature knew her better than all of us.

She loved to dance, and when she did, it looked like she was in her happiest place on earth. Lost in the music, found in herself.

She was really good people. And as cheesy as this sounds to feel, probably too good for this world we’ve mucked up. Maybe that’s why much of her time here was a struggle. Perhaps too often she felt like she was a second off sync with everything else.

The world sucks a lot more today without her. But I like to believe that somehow she is better. I hope she is. Though knowing her, I bet she already misses it here too. Things don’t have to look pretty to be pretty. And I think she saw possibility in this mucked up world, and she found beauty in the struggles.

Maybe this all seems to be romanticizing someone after they are gone. But as I sit her looking at a perfect picture of her, I don’t feel that way at all. She was a super awesome version of this thing called human. Unique, expressive, seeking, and sharing.

I can’t quite put my finger on what I am feeling, but with each picture shared online it seems crazy that she’s gone. Maybe I still think it’s supposed to be fair, or at least ‘make sense’. And if someone with that much life in them can run out. Well then I guess it’s all just beyond any understanding we have.

Hmmmm, maybe that’s comforting.

Thank you for bringing something truly original to this party Anneka.
Skip to the Misty Mountain Hop, wherever you are.
And save some room on the dance floor for the rest of us.
Until the next…