The first trimester.
This journey we’re on is a gift.
It’s a gift, to know our child won’t inherit HD, thanks to the wonder and science of pre-implantation genetic testing.
It’s a gift, to have this opportunity to pursue PGT and IVF without the financial burden, thanks to the LaForce family and the HelpCureHD foundation.
It’s a gift, that both Josh and I made it through all the fertility testing and DNA testing without any red flags or problems.
It’s a gift, that our egg retrieval and fertilization process was so successful on the first try, and that we somehow have multiple HD-free embryos to utilize now and in the future.
And it’s a gift, that my own body — which has withstood all the medications, the hormones, the pokes and prods of the crazy (and exhausting!) IVF process — conceived and continues to carry our child.
I’m still amazed by our privilege; how fortunate we are to have received so many gifts. I am very aware of how incredibly lucky I am — we are — to be where we are. I hope I never take a single moment for granted.
This space can be full of such joy, but at the same time, such heartbreak. I know many people who have had vastly different experiences with both the IVF process and pregnancy. I sometimes hesitate to share our experience and our journey, because it feels inconsiderate as so many face a much different path. I never want to diminish what others might be going through, or trigger hurts that may never fully heal.
I’ve struggled to find the right words to say, as I want to make sure they sound as sincere as I mean time to be. I’ll just say this; for anyone out there who has or will experience heartbreak and disappointment on their own pregnancy journey, please know that my heart is with yours. You have my love and my respect, and my hand to hold if you should ever need it. My story may be different, but you are not alone.
Today, I am 12 weeks into my pregnancy. Baby Myers is about the size of a lime (or for you movie nerds in the audience, about the size of that lump of amber with the mosquito in it, in Jurassic Park). Just one more week, and I’ll be heading into the second trimester.
So how’s it been going? I’d love to tell you.
THE SYMPTOMS
At my last blog post, I was just 5 weeks along. So excited to be pregnant, and so eager to start *feeling* pregnant; to begin to experience all those changes that happen when a body begins to create new life.
After waiting and wanting to be pregnant for so long, I was (naively) impatient; wanting to feel like something was happening at long last.
How adorable.
Little did I know, in just a few days more, I’d start to feel pregnant, all right! In fact, I haven’t updated the blog in a while, because I’ve been feeling too rough — too pregnant — to do much of anything, other than the absolute minimum.
Symptoms have included:
Bloating. So much bloating. Between the cocktail of IVF medications, the extra estrogen and progesterone I continued to take until I was 10 weeks along, and the hormones my body was producing on it’s own, there’s been A LOT of bloating.
Nausea. Constant nausea, like a nonstop hum throughout the day. I tried crackers and ginger ale. I tried anti-nausea candies and ginger tea (though I dislike both ginger and tea). Nothing really took the edge off.
It has taken me weeks to really listen to my body and understand its new queues. I’ve now figured out that I need to be eating or snacking constantly. I’ve learned that I need to cut my pre-pregnancy portions in half, because I feel even more nauseated when my tummy is too full.
Fortunately, I haven’t had any real morning sickness or vomiting. Just constant, unending nausea.
Headaches. For several weeks, I had a constant throbbing headache. I hadn’t really heard of headaches as a pregnancy symptom before, but according to apps and books and other online sources, headaches are related to the rapid increase in blood volume during the first trimester. The body is still working to catch up and adjust, and headaches may occur.
No amount of Tylenol helped to ease this kind of headache.
Fatigue. I’ve never been a napper. I’m usually too restless, and never manage to relax enough for sleep when there are other things to do. But for a while, I was consistently taking 2-hour naps around 2–3 p.m. in the afternoon. Totally dead to the world. I just couldn’t get through the afternoon!
I’m napping less frequently now, but still feel that occasional pull. (Pull? More like my body’s command: Rest now, or else.)
If you find yourself on the IVF journey as well, just know that the medications you’ll be taking can make your first trimester symptoms worse. Progesterone alone is known to cause headaches, fatigue, and bloating. If, like me, you are taking extra progesterone to support those first weeks of pregnancy, while your body is also beginning to produce more hormones all on its own, you’ll be doubling down. And yes, you could feel worse than you might feel without those medications. (On the upside, you can expect to feel better once you finish your medication regimen.)
I took some notes in my phone along the way. Here’s a quick week-by-week breakdown of how I was feeling, exactly how I was feeling it:
*Embryo transfer at 2 weeks, 5 days*
Week 3: BLOATING. Why do I look like I’m 5 months pregnant?!
Week 4: Itchy nipples! (Seriously, why don’t we talk about this more?! This was unexpected and uncomfortable. And let’s just say, it wasn’t limited to week 4.)
Week 5: Passing queasiness, but mostly okay!
Week 6: Constant nausea. Hungry all the time. Painful headaches. Is it nap time yet?
Week 7: Still hungry. Still tired. And SO NAUSEOUS.
Week 8: Hangry (not a type-o). Nauseous. Exhausted. THE HEADACHES!
Week 9: More nausea. More hunger. Are we done yet? (re: the estrogen and progesterone medications I was still taking from the IVF cycle)
Week 10: No more medication! Still nauseous, still some headaches, but with the occasional good day. Always hungry, but learning how to snack and manage my body to make it happy.
Week 11: Starting to feel a bit like myself again. A bit more energy again. But also, more naps, please. Snacking more responsibly to keep the belly full and satisfied.
THE BUMP
If you’re like me, then your primary question is — are you showing yet?!
The short answer is, maybe the tiniest bit? And that’s really just over the past week or so. If you aren’t used to seeing me, you’d probably miss it. You’d probably just think I’ve gained some weight (which I have). But even though there may not be many obvious physical changes just yet, something is definitely starting to *feel* different.
After all, my body has certainly been hard at work these past weeks! Here’s what I’ve learned about bumps and the first trimester:
At the start of pregnancy, the uterus is about the size of a fist, sitting comfortably behind the pelvic bone. By the end of the first trimester, the uterus expands to about the size of a large grapefruit.
Everyone shows differently. While some folks may start showing between 10-12 weeks, others may not show for weeks or months yet. And whether you have a baby bump, just look like you’ve gained a little weight, or have no noticeable changes at all — it’s all totally normal!
Now at 12 weeks, our Little Embryo has grown into a fetus about 2 inches long. While that once-little sack of cells has been growing and becoming more baby-like every day, more often than not, the body changes you can physically see in the first trimester are more bloat than bump.
Before our pregnancy test, just before the 4-week mark, my tummy was HUGE. I was convinced I looked 5–6 months pregnant. I’m having trouble finding the resource again now, but something I read at the time described what I was experiencing exactly, adding that bloating is a possible sign of successful implantation/early pregnancy.
And the bloating doesn’t end there! Your body is constantly changing during the first trimester. So many small, internal things are happening. You’re building all the life-support systems that will keep your baby growing over the weeks ahead. Your baby is growing and booting up all their own organs and systems. You’re even growing and creating a whole new organ — the placenta!
It’s no wonder you and your body may not be operating at peak capacity.
I gained about 10 pounds during the IVF process. I’d gone up at least a size or two in clothing before we even confirmed the pregnancy. And since then, I’ve probably gained another 5 pounds.
To add to the bloating and weight gain from medications, I also cut back on exercise. I realize now that I probably didn’t need to, but too many things I was reading online made me worry that exercising “too much” (what does that really mean?) could be detrimental to a successful IVF cycle and/or implantation. I wasn’t about to take any unnecessary risks.
A lot of what you may find online will suggest that walking, swimming, or yoga are the only preggo-safe exercises. But a deeper look into the research — plus conversations with our actual doctors — has revealed that exercise is totally safe (and good!) during pregnancy.
The key is to listen to your body. If something isn’t as comfortable as it was before, try a modification. If you are getting too hot or too winded, take a quick breather to reset. Stay active, but stay mindful.
Also, maybe get your medical advice from actual doctors, not click-bait and influencer blogs. It’ll save you so much time and stress.
