Intentions Matter: The Power of Giving Others the Benefit of the Doubt
“You have no idea what [people’s] reality is, you have no idea what they’ve been through — and how much more empathetic and patient might you be if you did. Or better, if you gave them every benefit of the doubt.” Ryan Holiday
When interacting with others, we can quickly jump to conclusions about their thoughts, intentions, and actions. We can even go so far as to not only assume we know what they’re thinking and why they’re doing what they are right now, but assume that we know the underlying values and beliefs that make that person who they are at their core. Jumping to conclusions in this way can not only result in us making bad decisions based on faulty information but can result in strained and broken relationships with people we really care about.
Today, give people the benefit of the doubt. When you see them acting in a way you think is questionable or even objectionable, assume that they are acting in good faith, that they have good intentions. Remember that there are many possible intentions driving any one action. For example, if I see a child throwing a rock at my window, they might be trying to get my attention (as my daughter, unfortunately, did the other day), or they might be trying to damage my house. The action is the same, but the intention is very different. So, instead of jumping to the conclusion that someone is acting out of malice, spite, or indifference, give that person the benefit of the doubt. Assume that the person is doing their best to act in a just, virtuous way. If that act is, in your opinion, very obviously counterproductive, assume that the person simply doesn’t have the information you have because if they did, they would make a different choice.
Giving people the benefit of the doubt in this way will all but eliminate anger. It will help you avoid unnecessary arguments, misunderstandings, and confrontations. Compassion replaces anger. This compassion will result in very different actions on your part. It may end up fostering a new relationship, strengthening a tenuous relationship, or sustaining a valued relationship. What you will definitely notice, though, is an immediate reduction in stress and negative emotions…and that, in and of itself, is worth its weight in gold.
Combining the wisdom of Eastern and Western ideologies, Dr. Brian Hite is a performance psychologist who empowers individuals and organizations to conquer mental barriers and achieve peak performance. His unique blend of expertise as a Hollywood Stuntman, mental performance consultant, and author makes him a sought-after expert in helping people unlock their full potential.
Check out his latest book, Begin Again: Utilize the Wisdom of Eastern and Western Ideologies to Achieve Your Full Potential.
For more information about both Dr. Brian Hite and Begin Again Performance Psychology, visit www.BeginAgainPerformancePsychology.com.
