Where were we? The setting doesn’t matter. The forest, a hip coffee shop, pick a place. This could be happening in the middle of the Sahara for all I care. In fact, picture it. I’m on a camel and she is wrapped up in this exotic gown to keep her cool. Oasis in the background. Add whatever else you want.
Hypothetical Desert
Eric
32

I like the intrusive narration here and at the end of the piece. It doesn’t feel forced or detract from the story.

In fact, it’s almost beckoning the reader to help the central character unravel the depth of his relationship with the woman. Though he seemingly denies being interested, he is almost asking the reader for a second opinion about whether or not to see her again.

Nice economy of words and how you used them so carefully to draw the reader into the story.

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