You Don’t “Understand” My Anxiety.

“Yeah… I have anxiety when I talk to new people and I’m really sorry about it.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I totally get it, I have anxiety, too!”

~3 hours later, explaining why something is bothering me.~

“Wow, you’re making a really big deal out of nothing here.”

I’m sorry, I thought you understood? I thought you understood what it’s like to have invasive thoughts that never seem to go away. The thoughts that make it seem like everyone hates you, or to a less extreme, dislike you. Or hell, the best anxiety, in my opinion? That you’re annoying everyone you talk to. Especially those new people you REALLY ant to be friends with? Every single part of your brain telling you these new people actually think you’re a freak and they just feel bad for you? Oh, what about those times you talk to people and something comes out the wrong way and you analyze what you said, and their reaction for a few hours, and then apologize to them, but they don’t even remember? What a freak! Why would you even apologize? Well, my brain told me to apologize, and now my brain is telling me it was weird to do so. Those times when you’ll be in bed, just laying in there, and then all of a sudden — no oxygen. You kind of struggle to breathe for no reason, tears start coming and you don’t know what to do, heart beating irregularly. Do you cry? Do you try and walk around? Do you just stay frozen in bed, hoping that breathless feeling goes away? And that time when you first suspected you had anxiety, and went on medication for it? Remember? And remember when you thought it would be so freeing to tell people you have it so they might be more careful around you? Idiot. That didn’t work. Maybe you should just keep your mouth shut and not tell people. Anxiety is just in your head, after all.

You might understand anxiety; you have your own. But you don’t understand my anxiety. If you say you understand and then proceed to tell me I’m over reacting, then you need to take a step back, and the next time someone tells you they have anxiety and you reply with, “I do too, I understand, don’t worry!”, don’t. Please. But, if you don’t understand my anxiety, but still make an attempt to help me through it, and not tell me I’m over reacting? Thank you. You are the reason I keep going through this.

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