Contributor at Someecards, The Berry, The Chive, Funny or Die, Looper, Paul Shaffer’s Day in Rock. I edit the Splitsider Humor Section and also make books.

Feb 9, 2016

8 Most Annoying Things About Working In An Office

• It seems like somebody is always having a birthday. And there it will be on the break room table, just waiting to ruin your diet: a simple chocolate sheet cake with white frosting. It says “happy birthday” on it.

• You’ll leave your cubicle for like one minute, and when you come back, there’s a birthday cake on your chair.

• Your cubicle walls are short and thin and at least prevent you from interacting with that annoying co-worker too much, until you realize they’re just stacks of of birthday cakes.

• You go into the bathroom stall only to find that somebody’s left a birthday cake in there.

• There are birthday cakes hidden in the ceiling tiles, and they can fall on you and get cake and frosting all over your khakis.

• That guy you pass in the hall who always wants to give you a high five, but you don’t want to, because he’ll give you the high five, and after, you’ll look down in your hand, and there will be a birthday cake in it.

• Friday. 4:59. Your boss asks you to stay late to finish up some birthday cake.

• Sometimes it will be no one’s birthday. And yet there will be a cake in the break room. There is nothing written on the cake.