Why Do Cartoon Characters Wear White Gloves?
Mickey Mouse: To hide his persistant stigmata.
Bugs Bunny: He was born with carrot fingers, and his parents put gloves on him so he wouldn’t eat them.
Pinocchio: He’s got a bad case of finger-dicks (that grow).
Goofy: Those aren’t gloves — those are his real hands.
Mario: He’s a plumber. He wears those gloves so he literally doesn’t get rotten human feces on his hands.
Luigi: Thinks they make him look like his hero, O.J. Simpson.
Minnie Mouse: She fancy.
Woody Woodpecker: He just has really ugly fingers.
Yakko from Animaniacs: In 2007, he got one of those dumb mustache tattoos on his forefinger.
Roger Rabbit: He’s got the biggest, most disgusting warts you’ve ever seen.
Clarabelle Cow: Promised the Lord she would only use her unclothed hands to milk her brethren.
Lola Bunny from Space Jam: Gloves help her handle the ball and shoot better in games of space basketball. They were actually banned from play in 1998, but as a veteran space basketball player, she was “grandfathered” in.
Dot from Animaniacs: To conceal racially insensitive nail art.