Why Do Cartoon Characters Wear White Gloves?

Mickey Mouse: To hide his persistant stigmata.

Bugs Bunny: He was born with carrot fingers, and his parents put gloves on him so he wouldn’t eat them.

Pinocchio: He’s got a bad case of finger-dicks (that grow).

Goofy: Those aren’t gloves — those are his real hands.

Mario: He’s a plumber. He wears those gloves so he literally doesn’t get rotten human feces on his hands.

Luigi: Thinks they make him look like his hero, O.J. Simpson.

Minnie Mouse: She fancy.

Woody Woodpecker: He just has really ugly fingers.

Yakko from Animaniacs: In 2007, he got one of those dumb mustache tattoos on his forefinger.

Roger Rabbit: He’s got the biggest, most disgusting warts you’ve ever seen.

Clarabelle Cow: Promised the Lord she would only use her unclothed hands to milk her brethren.

Lola Bunny from Space Jam: Gloves help her handle the ball and shoot better in games of space basketball. They were actually banned from play in 1998, but as a veteran space basketball player, she was “grandfathered” in.

Dot from Animaniacs: To conceal racially insensitive nail art.