Leftists, We Need to Talk

Brian Cox
Brian Cox
Jul 10, 2017 · 3 min read

In this sociopolitical climate, there’s been a great deal to worry about. Climate change, wealth distribution, dwindling resources, fear of a fascist revival, a struggle for equality. It can be very easy to forget one major issue that has been growing in my life:

I am a very lonely person, please talk to me.

I have made many attempts to talk to conservatives because my father is a conservative. These endeavors however, have all been fruitless. I figured we would get along, seeing as how all the right wing folks in their twenties that I have met are also people who tend to sit in their rooms on a computer and do not know how to make eye contact with strangers. This however, has not been the case. Every time I would mention that I am lonely and nervous, they would inform me that I am a beta-male cuck. While all of this may be true, it still feels a little rude.

If the people who came from this ideology would not be my friend, I figured that perhaps I could still use their ideology to make friends regardless.

Corporations are people. Perhaps they will talk to me on the phone while I take bubble baths.

I reached out to the Italian chain restaurant Sbarro on facebook. Perhaps you know them from the food court at the mall near you that nobody goes to anymore. Their wall was full of people complaining about their food. Finally, a lonely underdog who would understand my plight. I decided to write on their wall.

I wrote on their wall almost every day for about a month. But they never answered. This was about a year ago. I revisited their page to see how things had changed. It remained people complaining about their food and sanitation. Even this sad and lonely corporation felt it was too good to talk to me. As I continued down their wall, my heart dropped as I found my last attempt to make contact with them, a cry for help.

Corporations are people, and they are bullies.

This all brings me to where I am now, leftists. It’s time we had a talk. Because I just watched GLOW on Netflix, and I haven’t had an opportunity to talk about it yet. I can only spend so many more days yelling a pigeons and pretending it’s the same thing.

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