What To Do After Reacting Poorly to an Emotionally Complex Situation

One thing I’ve noticed about career coaches, they spend much of their time addressing patterns we developed as children and early adults.

Check out these titles by some leading coaches:

• Childhood Emotional Neglect or Trauma: You Can Overcome It as an Adult
• 5 Clear Signs You Have A Narcissistic Wound To Heal
• 5 Glaring Signs That Your Childhood Has Negatively Impacted Your Career

In exploring my own negative reactions, I realize most of them are related to early experiences I have yet to accept and release.

For example, when someone recently butted into a conversation and corrected what I was saying, I initially felt like they were undermining me, but by taking the time to understand the negative reaction rather than giving in to it, I achieved a deeper, better result.

First, I had to chalk the situation up to me having an off day communication-wise.

Next, I had to put the result I wanted (to effectively communicate) ahead of my personal feelings.

Our negative reactions are almost always based on past experiences where we felt vulnerable and someone burned us.

We’ve all been burned in the past.

People may also try to burn us in the future.

In my case, the other person was trying to be helpful, and my negative reaction inserted unnecessary complexity to the situation.

Emotional complexity is a part of life, but there are simple solutions to everyday situations. The hard part is parsing through the complexity to identify the real problem.

In this case, the problem was me not communicating clearly.

The solution was clear communication, which the other person provided.

It’s our responsibility to communicate clearly in the first place, and if we’re not capable on any given day, it’s our responsibility to cop to it, and to accept the help being offered with poise and grace.

There are times when we encounter people who butt into every conversation we try to have. That’s another kind of problem. We’re best off in either case to take the time to identify the real problem before we act.

It’s easy to give in to insecurities caused by past experiences, but that’s a recursive loop leading to destructive behaviors.

We’d be smart to avoid falling into that trap, because we know better.

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