Thoughts This Christmas
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED DECEMBER 25, 2021 ON WEEBLY.
I’ve been thinking a lot about a lot of things this holiday season.
There has been a lot of change in my life this last year, and I often feel as if the traditions, things, and people are slipping through my fingers like sand. I’ve felt out of place, unwelcome, and afraid. Besides that, I’ve felt an obligation as a big sister to carry as much as I can and try not to show it when I break, something I’m not good at. (I’d like to thank Disney’s Encanto for the song “Surface Pressure” and these out of context lines “Give it to your sister, your sister’s stronger / See if she can hang on a little longer / Who am I if I can’t carry it all?”)
Yet at the same time, I’ve felt welcomed and safe. I am in a better environment than I was at the start of 2021. There are little markers of joy that I get to experience. I think my favorite one is a 24 pound dog named Snickerz.
Last night I sat at my church’s Christmas Eve service from my usual spot behind the livestream station. I ran the livestream like usual, listened to amazing music, heard the story about Barrington Bunny and cried, typical for me. But as I was sitting there while a solo was being sung, I felt something deep in my heart.
I’ve always been a little jealous of the people who say that can literally hear God, because I only have audibly heard Him once. Most of the time it is a crystal clear feeling I get, a holy warmth like a welcome hug, a sentence in my mind as clear as if I read it on a page. As I sat there, what I felt was “Don’t forget, I came for you, too.”
It is so easy to sit in our own shame, fear, doubt, and anxiety and discount ourselves. It is so easy to let the fear about tomorrow eat us alive.
There’s an audio circling around TikTok that says “If Jesus died for all our sins, he left one behind, the body I’m in” and it breaks my heart. He didn’t. He didn’t forget me. He didn’t forget you.
He stepped into this world, became one of us, for us. For a world that doesn’t deserve His mercy, He came anyway. He came to heal our broken world.
That’s what today is about! Today is about the savior of the world being born into our world to being an be the example of love, hope, peace, and joy.
And knowing that brings me peace this Christmas day.