What I learned from Meditation This Week Pt 1
Meditation is really hard. It’s so easy for me to run to my smart phone to take myself from facing what’s going in inside my mind. I feel so addicted to my damn phone sometimes.
Inside my mind is flurry of thoughts, feelings and emotions around not ever feeling good enough. I’m a bad father, bad brother, bad friend, bad husband, bad realtor etc etc.
I feel running to my phone for a social media fix or reading some silly article keeps me away from facing these feelings and keeps them having power over me.
When I hold baby Brie, i feel that urge to run to my phone very strongly. Maybe that urge is my coping mechanism for dealing with the anxiety in my chest and the awful thoughts I have that come when I’m quiet with her. I can’t imagine what kind of life and example I will give her if I don’t deal with this baggage.
My goal with meditation is surrender to these feelings. Lean in, open myself up to release the pain, overcome the anxiety and learn to let go.
I don’t have time to go to the mountains for a 10 day silent retreat so this is my solution for myself: Ensure I practice whenever i can. Especially when holding baby Brie.
